Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Huge squish!!!!!!!!!!

You know....when Lovee was active duty in the USMC for 23 years....we moved every 2 to 3 years. I always looked forward to it as an adventure. When I was young I was all about adventure. Isn't everyone?? Well,ok...my Mother never liked it but she's not from this planet anyway. And change. I always thouht change was a good thing. It kept things from getting stale..and mundane. Guess that could be why I changed boyfriends so often...lol....
I digress..........

anywho...after the kids came along, whenever we moved, I would take 2 or 3 months before I looked for a job so I could get us adjusted to our new base and town. I would have to get a new drivers licence, learn the new town, learn where the commissary was and the medical clinic....where the schools were....the usual stuff. Adapt to the changes. I would also have to get our house set up and organized and somewhere in there build myself a new network of friends. I loved it!!! Every bit of it. I loved living away from my parents. (Geesh, I can't believe I actually put that in print.) I actually think that because we didn't have any family to run to when things got difficult between Lovee and I ( yes it happened...rarely though!) it made us stronger. There was no one else in the family to take sides with or fuel the situation.
We would visit with family, back here in Oklahoma, whenever we were driving to a new duty station. It was fun. Especially w/ Lovee's family. I adore/adored them. Unfortunately Lovee's Mom died when we were stationed in Okinawa. He flew back by himself. We couldn't afford for all of us to go. It was terrifically sad for all of us. Lovee's Dad, Mister as we all called him, passed away when we were stationed in San Antonio. We all attended that funeral...which I still have a hard time talking about. Oh how I loved that man! Everyone loved him. Lovee is looking more and more like him as he gets older. Makes me smile. ;) ( more change)

Our last move was from Texas to Cherry Point, N. Carolina. Lovee decided he would retire when the last 2 kids graduated in 1996. He said when it wasn't fun any more....as in being one of Uncle Sams Merry Children....it was time to go. We eventually decided to move back to Oklahoma so we could be near the family that was left. Lovee had a favorite Uncle left and since he was the closest person to a Dad he had left,it made sense. At that time we also made the decision that since my parentals were both still alive...it might be good to be close in case they needed our help as the got older. ( My parents scoffed at that idea btw)

Everything was going along great. We had our house built....we got good jobs.....all but 1 of our kids boomeranged a bit, but that's ok. (Sometimes it takes a while to figure things out.) I learned how to stay in one place for more that 2 or 3 years. That actually was the hardest part. Another change. ;)
I loved moving around....new places...new people....new jobs....uh, actually I hated to leave my job in San Antonio but that's a whole different story-lol.........new...new...new.... change,change,change...........

I even adjusted to living in a small town. I loved our life after his retirement. Still do. Mostly. Most days.
I'm still struggling with my present job though. I didn't anticipate the abruptness of this particular change.
'
Do you see where this is going?? lol

When Lovee and I talked about my parentals needing help one day....I agreed completely and was on board with the whole idea. It was my idea to quit my job and take this on after hearing of my Mom's struggles, and seeing how frail they were getting. It's in my nature to be a nurturer. That's just me.
But it's easier to nurture your young kids....or grand kids.....
Parentals want the nurturing part and all that goes with it; and they'll change some things to accommodate that....but not much.
They resist....heavily...at doing what I ask....even if it may be better....simply because it's a change. With kids, my reply would be " this isn't a democracy....do it"...or something equally cheezy....but I can't use that on the parentals. I tried, but was reminded that's not going to happen...whatever it was.

I guess what I've been trying to say........is I've always been adaptable....changable. I'm proud of my adaptability. You know....in the Marines...it's overcome, improvise and adapt.
I just can't seem to find it here. I'm met with too much resistance. It wears me out. And try as I might, they refuse to go to their room whenever I ground them!!!! So much for tt in charge.

Not sure why I posted this. I guess on some level, I'm reaffirming to myself that I'm not failing...I'm coping as best I can....and that's ok. Some things just can't be changed. No matter how much we want them to.

But please................please...............do not let this happen to my Lovee and I. That's my plea to the universe.
Hello...universe...Are you listening??????
I know all of our urchins would provide us with loving care if we needed it.....but I sincerely hope that it will never be necessary. I don't want them to change that much. They're perfect just the way they are. No need in proving it to anyone. I already know it to be true.

Please make it so.

11 comments:

meno said...

Nice. Really nice.

I don't know how you do the parental care. I couldn't.

Farmer*swife said...

Oh MY! Poor You! It is hard when we are used to being in control and at the same time -- able to mesh in with any personality or type of company...whatever, is required of the "job" or life or as a spouse.

Luckily, my Mom and I have grown so much. It's so opposite. I feel like I was the parent while growing up myself. She and I are peas from different pods...though, I did come from her "pod." My Dad comfirms it. [They divorced when I was 2 months young -- they married way young -- she was 16 and he was 20?] Ahhhh, the 70s LOL!

Anyhow, now I've moved her down closer and I love her dearly. I help and she lets me kinda' take control when necessary but then I let her go back to her own world and how she does things and I put on my blinders....cuz' we see and think so differently.

But, I am lucky at times that I either say "do it this way or do it on your own." Or, I'll say "fine, do what you think you need to do, But leave me out of it."

She is much younger than your parentals, but in a disability due to an accident (and some years of being too independent). Physically, her body is probably twenty years older than she is....maybe 15. And, due to thyroid and pain crisis, her mind a little sometimes too -- though, she is very intelligent.

Guess, I'm saying. I get you. It's hard. You are doing great. And, don't be afraid to tell them "I do this because I love you. But, if you can't appreciate me? Or, at least make me feel appreciated? I don't have to bother you. Do it on your own, and YOUR WAY, if you want to. But, if I am going to help you? You are going to have to be willing to give a little (more).

Did I help?

I'm uploading a vlog dedicated just to you -- so check it in awhile and/or go straight to my You-Tube as they view better there.

http://www.youtube.com/user/wifeofafarmer

It's a guarantee remedy for stress and frustration!

Happy Tuesday Gal!

Farmer*swife said...

It's up! Just for Lil'ol You! You-Tube and on my blog! Better than 7&7; well, not if that's your fav!

Happy Tuesday!

ETK said...

Ha! that how to Farmer's wife makes a V&T was GREAT! Loved loved loved it.

I just wanted to say that you are totally not failing. you are doing such a kick ass job. It's hard! You know, we know it, your parents know it! It's hard for you. it's hard for them. I love you! Now I'm gonna call you RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. You better answer or I'm gonna be PISSED and mabye I'll make a piss and moan (or beer and bitchin' vlog about YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Ooooooooooooh - you didn't answer!!!! rude.

Jen said...

My parents have said the exact same thing to me. They do not want to be burdensome. I would want to and not out of responsibility. They took great care of me for over 20 years (and still are), it's the least I could do for them.

tt said...

Meno: It's amazing how we can do the things we say we can't.

FW: Yep, it's hard. I didn't know it was going to be THIS hard though. Didn't see that one coming. I'm glad you've got a good relationship with your Mom. I think your generation usually does. My relationship with my kids is totally different than the one my folks have with us. Something happened to my parentals generation...the women that is. I don't what it was...but the outcome wasn't good. If given the opportunity, I will try what you suggested. We'll see.
And of course you helped.....you vlogged!!!!! ha
I found a purse big enough to bring you home in!!!!!!

ETK....You should have seen me tripping over all the construction debris trying to get to the phone!! LOL Just so ppl know...we did talk...a long time. Fact I think you stayed up too late. Hope your morning's good. :)

Jen: that's how it should be. Seriously. But like I told Farmer*s wife...the women from my Mom's generation..some of them...they're just a wee bit left of center sometimes. ;)...My relationship with my Mom wasn't the best when I was younger. I guess I'm still trying to make it right. It is what it is.

gary rith said...

First of all, I must say again, I love the nose picture of you two on the right! My dad and and father-in-law were Marines too, and your husband? Yep, that's a Marine if ever I've seen one.
As for caring for your parents, well, we did the same 2 1/2 years ago. Moved hundreds of miles from New Hampshire to NY to be close to my ageing parents.
It sure is difficult. Very. Sigh.

tt said...

Gary: I love that pic too. And he's a Marine through and through..but one of the few w/o a tattoo..can you believe it? He saved that for me! ha

difficult is a good word to describe it. It's honestly the hardest thing I've ever tackled in my entire life. Big sigh!
Bravo to you and Mrs. Pottersblog.
( she sure is cute!)

Anndi said...

A year ago this month, after a spring and summer of taking care of my Dad after Mom passed, Dad went to the Veteran's Hospital because he just couldn't stay at home anymore safely. I was always afraid he'd burn the house down, fall down the stairs, or God knows what else. I applaud you for what you're doing. I know for a fact that I can't care for my Dad the way he needs me too (i.e. be home 24/7) and hold down a job that brings in the only income that provides for my daughter. So, since I'm an only child the Veteran's Hospital was the best choice for him, and our family.

It's hard dealing with older parents who can't change, but you're doing a good job. And they appreciate it.

Good luck.

Diane J Standiford said...

You make the corp proud. And you already have made it easier for your own kids. No worries.

tt said...

Anndi: Hey gal, welcome!
You made a very wise and difficult decision for your Dad. I applaud you for your courage. I know it was hard but being in charge of parentals is just that. Hard.
Bless your heart for commenting.
I've been secretly reading you...
You make me smile.

DJS: thanks kiddo! I've done my best to make everything easier on my urchins.....it's the Universe that worries me..lol