Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Update.....or rambles.. :) .....

Good grief!! It's been almost a month since I posted anything. So much has gone on I don't know where to start......actually, it's a lot of nothing that's gone on. Does that make since?

First an update on my new 'miracle' meds. I really don't have the words to describe how I feel. It's different. In a good way. I haven't cried in 5 weeks. That's huge for me...HUGE!!! The simplest things would set me off. Well, what I called simple anyway. Mountains of squishie grape juice would just pour out of me and half the time I didn't know where it came from. Seriously. I mean, I knew it was because of taking care of the parentals and watching their slow decline and their daily struggles and all of the shit that goes with it, but I guess it just built so slowly that I didn't realize the toll it was taking. Add to it my insane desire to be a 'pleaser' to everyone....especially my folks...............well, I set myself up for failure. Not intentionally mind you, but none the less.........that's the out come. Why would I expect so much from myself that I wouldn't expect someone else? I have no answer for that. Not going to examine that anymore either.
Am I rambling? Probably. Here's some more....lol

When I started this blog.......I did it as a way to get things off my chest so to speak. Once I say something out loud or put it into writing....it's usually gone. Done. Off my mind. Usually forever actually..,....
Now that I'm on the miracle 'happy pills'...I no longer feel the need to express myself. That's curious to me. Very curious. I no longer obcess on things....I don't over analyze things to death...
All good things. I see sunshine everyday....I feel joy....but can recognize sorrow and acknowledge it without a melt down. Curious.

I saw my Dr. yesterday for a review of what's been going on since I started the meds. He said he was very, very worried about me and that "I made his day" by seeing that the meds were working and he didn't have to try something else. Me too. :)

Another thought that does go through my squishie grape is this blog. I'm sure it's the meds, but I actually have no desire to post anything. I do find that curious....a wee bit anyway.
My extreme emotions are repressed....or perhaps compressed.....and I like it that way.
So, frequent posting from me will probably go by the wayside.......
I may write from time to time....about Dad's new looping on coins.....he can't remember what they are or what they're for....or Mom' new forgetfullness....or that all of their friends are dropping like flys and we attend way too many funerals.......or that how I have to tell Mom how to start the dishwasher every week.....how Dad's becoming obcessive about his failing health...
little things like that. :) did I just say 'little'? lol

I'm in a contented place right now. I'm just going to go with that and enjoy what life brings me.

10 comments:

The Queen said...

You do what you need to do to be at peace,that is the most important thing right there............................
----------------------------
but I sure hope you stop by the castle now and then.. or I can catch you on FB... cause I sure miss you..

Best Wishes from the Queen..

kcinnova said...

I miss your blogging, but wow am I glad you have gotten off that rollercoaster, because it was a steep drop and there weren't many upswings in it.
Antidepressants aren't a panacea, but they sure do make a huge difference (spoken as one who knows!). Or as my hubby says, "Better living through chemicals!"

Hang in there. You have a tough job.

ETK said...

I love you! I'm so glad you've found something that helps and I am also so happy to chat with you and hear that things are just "normal" or "boring". :) That's a good thing right? I miss you tons and although I totally want you to blog more, I understand. Sometimes, life just gets in the way. I'll be hanging on your every word if/when you do post.

Love and miss you AWFUL!
ETKers

fiwa said...

I'm sad this sounds like an end to blogging for you - but if you are happy and feeling good, then I am happy for you. :)

Maybe you could try sharing the happy things on your blog?

love,
fiwa

Jen said...

Good for you, TT! I'm happy to hear that you're doing much, much better.

I'm with you on the blog thing. Mine may just end as well - or become a thing of time to time. Understand. I wish you well! I'll be with you on FB though & I'm sure I'll hear of you through Pups, Alli, ETK and Baby.

Mountainous hugs to you!
xo

meno said...

Contented is good. Maybe i should get me some of them pills.

Dana said...

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better! I do wish that didn't mean blog neglect, but if I don't see you post, I'll know you are doing wonderfully!

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

well, glad you're better, but YOU ARE MISSED
:)

Farmer*swife said...

I am sooooo glad that the doctor was able to get your emotions and stress leveled out... That is so rough when our minds take us that far -- and you do so much!

And, yes, why is it that we tend to require more of ourselves than we would of someone else?

I'm still looking forward to your rambling squooshes from time to time. So don't be tooooooo much of a stranger!

Happy Saturday!

CheekyMonkey said...

I'm glad you found your happy pills and a new favorite word. "curious". Anyway, miss you tons and don't need you to blob as long as I get that call or text or whatever every once in a while. :) ALWAYS good to hear your voice! luvs ya!