Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I'm so confused..how old am I again???

You know, sometimes when I'm in the grocery store or any store for that matter, I have to stop and think a moment...do I want this size or that size....this color or that...skim or 2%..I weigh the pros and cons of whatever choice I'm making. Not on every purchase mind you, but often enough that it takes me a while to get outta there! lol
Things confuse me at times. And when I'm confused I usually like to sit back and just think things through. Quietly most of the time...but other times talking to myself will usually get the job done quicker. Of course I run the risk of my ADD kicking in but that just goes with my territory. Eventually I figure out whatever decision needs to be made and it's done.
This happens because I'm an adult and have learned a few things along the way. Seriously.
No, really...I'm an adult. I know what needs to be done on any given day, whether it be here at my home or at the parentals.
Amazing actually.

Amazing because I haven't yet figured out how to convince the Mom that I actually know how to do things.


AM I FIFTY-FUCKING-FOUR OR 12??????????????????

I didn't like being 12 when I was 12. So I sure as Hell don't like it now!!!!!!!!!
I've raised a family.......traveled all over God earth with Lovee and the kids in tow. Lived in Japan for cripes sake and managed to get around and learn the how-to's of a foreign country. Hell...I've even cooked and served Thanksgiving dinner to 30 home-cooked-meal-starved Marines. I know stuff. Amazing!! I have a brain and know how to use it. And since I don't take it out and play with it anymore...it works much better..coz sometimes I put it back in upside down

The reality side of me...which I am at odds with from time to time, knows that the Mom asks me questions all the time because she can't see. And if I don't tell her every second of the day what I'm doing she feels the need to ask. Just so she'll know what's going on. I get that. Really I do.
But I've never coped well with being micro-managed. EVER!!!
I will tell her I did somethin and she'll ask...'But did you do_________?" Yes Mom I did. "Well how about _________?" Yes, Mom I did that too.
I tell her it would be nice if she would trust me enough to know that I'm doing what I know should be done. Seems simple enough to me. Not her.
Why is it not simple to her? Because she can't see!!! Did you know that? Evidently I've never caught on to that important fact because she reminds me every-single-fucking-day-without-fail!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm caring for my parents who are blind.....THAT'S WHY I'M DOING THIS!!!! HELLLOOOOOOOO!!!
I tell her I'm worried that her mind is slipping b/c she can't seem to remember she's told me that before.

This, my friends, is what happens when a control freak looses control.
It's actually a small thing to deal with unless this is your life, day after day after day........

AND...since the weather went whacky....I can't even swim.. :(
My world is in the shitter.
Thankfully, Lovee pulls me out before a big flush happens.:)

8 comments:

Jen said...

It would wear thin after a bit. No question about that. And this, my dear, is why you should be nominated for saint-hood. Any level really.

ETK said...

I totally second what Jen said. I would totally vote for you to be the saintliest. Seriously!

I know it's hard, and you are such an amazing awesome woman to do this every single day. Sounds like some self-medication and quailty time with Lovee are in order.

Love you!!!

Oh, and maybe you need a kitty? Kitties make everything better. Maybe one to keep at your parent's house? That can keep your mom occupied?

I'm just sayin'

Jay said...

I'm starting to experience the same things with my mother. She will ask me the same question or tell me the same story a few times. And when I am making her dinner she get a little worried that I might not be doing it the "right" way.

And by "right" I mean the way SHE likes it. haha

It can get frustrating sometimes. But, no Denny's here so we don't do the breakfast thing. ;-)

fairyflutters said...

That would make me insane. You are a saint indeed.

There's no way I could handle that crap day in and day out. Uh uh no way no how!

Fortune Cookies said...

moms just have a way of getting under the skin and bugging the shit out of a soul, don't they?

Hang in there. And maybe try to find something to occupy her while you are with her, to keep her busy so she has less time to think of so many questions.

Dianne said...

I couldn't stop laughing at the part about taking out the grape and sometimes putting it back in upside down!!

She wants to feel in control and she wants to feel independant and she wants ... she probably wants a whole lot of shit.

Having her distracted by something (kitten!?) or someone (evil clown? serial killer?) while you're there is a great idea. I could call her and tell her the story of my life and ask her for advice, just give me a moments notice. Since I've been practicing selective deafness I'd consider her an assignment.

It sucks to get old kid!

Brad said...

I wish I had some words of comfort, but... I'll be in your shoes in a few short years. I guess we just have to grin and bear it.

At this age, 12 doesn't look so bad. Why not retreat into a second childhood, get into mischief and have some fun?

tt said...

Jen: I'm not too sure about the 'sainthood' thing. Right now I can actually feel the horns, that the Mom said I sprouted at 13, growing again.:)

ETK: you know kitties make me sneeze..lol AND..Sisterlittle has two...they ran under the parentals feet when they visited her a few years ago and they almost fell and broke something. So, that would be, unfortunately, a big no.

Jay: Oh good lord! I'm starting to feel your pain bro! watch out...one of these days you WILL have to find a breakfast place or something...good luck!

FF: It's amazing what a person can do even when they think they can't. Insane is a good description....I hope it's not catching.

FC: one of the biggest problems is she refuses to be occupied. How odd is that? She's happiest if she's worrying or stewing about something. seriously! She told me that. I'm still going to work on finding something...oneday..

Dianne: Funny how the grape works better when it's in there proper like. lol ;) I would consider unleashing her on someone I didn't like...but not on someone I adore...like you! That's just not nice. I wanna keep you remember :)
And yes...she wants a lot-o-shit!
I've decided I'm not getting old! I'll grow older, but not old. How's that?

Brad: retreat to 12??? I hated 12...that was when I never did anything right....ever. The mischief thing sounds intrigeing though! lol