Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Viola'....another 'aha' moment!

A good friend told me last night that maybe I was censoring myself on my blog. I had mentioned that I don't want to be a whine bag all the time so I just don't blog sometimes. She reminded me that one of the reasons I started this blog, in fact the main reason, was to vent and not have to hold everything in while I took care of the parentals. She's right. So, if I seem to whine a bit...either ignore it or not. Your choice. But that 's what will go on from time to time. Like it or not, I gotta bitch and moan and groan and have my own little pity parties. I've got to get it out and go forward.
[So, younger self :)]

I've started my walking again. Stop,start,stop,start...that's just what I do. I get sidetracked or 'life' just gets in my way and I forget to take care of me. I get reminded of this a lot actually, but for some reason that information just doesn't make it into one of my 'grapel' rooms. :)
I made a special room up there today. It's a 'take care of tt room. When I went to check and see how many rooms were available, I found that stupid 'glass half empty' room! Geesh! I don't remember putting it there. I think I may have a saboteur lurking somewhere and I need to find her and kick her sorry ass to the curb! Pronto!!

While I was rummaging around the old grape, I found some things I'd forgotten about. Like my having fun room. It's pretty full but not of a lot of recent things. Oh, the urchins visits are there and Lovee is ALWAYS there!...Christmas is there, blogging is there, weddings in Hawaii and Greece and the vacation/anniversary to the Grand Canyon...and Vegas ;), swimming...but not just special tt stuff. Hummmm I said. Guess I'd better do something about that. That'll be my ponder for today.
Just what is 'special fun' for tt. I'll get it. Eventually. I know it's been mentioned that we hardly ever figure ourselves out because we keep changing, but I think some things remain the same basically. That's what I've got to tap into.

The Mom hasn't been feeling well lately. That's been heavy on my mind. She's had chest pains and jaw pain. She's had to use her nitro spray too. So, she's been really tired lately and when she gets tired she gets crabby and short tempered. Hummm....I said to myself yesterday. You do that too tt. Duh....note to self...try to work on that a wee bit. :) I know it's hard to be cheerie and smiley when you're tired but, try not to let it ooze out and fuck up someone elses day ok??/k!

Ok, my allotted morning blog time is up. I've got to get busy doing my paint and spackle stuff so I can get to the parentals. Dad's playing golf today so I have to get there early. Tee time is 10 am!

ps....I think I'll drink a lot of water today.....I may need to 'pee' some **snicker-snorts**


CheekyMonkey said...

There you are... THATS My girl! Or me girl. :)

Every day I think about how I'm fighting turning into my mom. I'm doing a good job navigating away from that world.

I'm afraid to sort through the rooms in my grape. too squishy up there. I think they do better all mixed up like spaghetti squash. But that's just me. :)

Dianne said...

I love how you objectively speak of all the parts of your mind/your self. I usually just refer to "the well section of my mind" vs. everything else. Maybe I need a few new departments.

I think you should say whatever you want to whenever you want to. I promise to always respond honestly and to be supportive.


Now go pee

tt said...

Monkey-- I used to have spaghetti squash in the grape but the flavors just didn't work for me ;)
So I had to compartmentalize. I LOVE containers and boxes and things to put things in...:) I decided to rearrange years ago. You know me...always trying to get organized.

dianne-- I love honesty!! I know you'll either be my biggest champion or kick my sorry ass around. :)Support is always good...especially where bras are concerned...ha..( had to do that)

Jen said...

I love my mom and I would love to be like her, but I've found there are some parts of her that I want nothing to do with. For example, she's a worry-wort, which in turn makes her a bit of a nag to me dad. . . I find that I can do those things to the husband too &. . . .I. HATE. IT.

So, while I love her to bits, I just don't always want the bits I love. If you find the key to that - lemmeno. I'll be here waiting. . . .

Diane J Standiford said...

Hey! I LOVE rants. BRING IT. hat's when true self spits out. Whatever it takes. We woman, always think, "I'll be the good parts of my mom, not the bad." But we pick up traits bad and good of EVERYONE, we just THINK it is a mother/daughter thing...NAH. That is an easy out. If you don't like something about yourself--CHANGE IT. Now or never, tick tock tick tock. Boy, don't I know smilimg when you want to wring their necks, LOL. Compassion, give it to yourself, the rest comes a lot easier then.

tt said...

jen; I'm working on it...IF i find the key I'll let you know...although I thinkDeane J is on to something ;)

diane J- you're right. period. Why is it change is so hard anyway? Or do I just THINK it's hard?...that's probably it. She's a nag and I loathe nags...I will go out of my way not to nag...Sometimes it's hard to speak...that's when I'm afraid I'll sound like her. I'm working on a balance.
like you said...tick-tock...time's getting shorter...
:) I'll figure it out one day!

ETK said...

I do NOT like it when you censor. Tell the world HONEY! :) AND, you are SO not a glass half empty person. Just because you have to complain and get the bad stuff out does not make you a complainer or a whiney bitch. GOT IT? Seriously. Nor does it make you a GHE, you are SO a GHF. Totally.

I want to know what's going on with you - bad and good. So, please. PLEASE. do not censor yourself.