Friday, August 31, 2007

Things to remember

This new gig I have is the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my entire life. Well, maybe it ranks in the top 5 to be more accurate. My new challenge is trying not to take things my folks say too personally. That's really hard. I've had to take myself outside on several occasions to have a 'tt to tt' talk. I tell myself to remember the goals.....to keep them as comfortable as I can in their own home for as long as I can....to be as cheerie and upbeat as I can so as not to worry them....to do the every day tasks that are so challenging to them......etc.
The challenge, however, is to myself. I have to remind myself that they're not mean spirited on purpose....it's their age or personal views that were formed a long time ago ( that I may not agree with ) that makes them say some of the things they do. It's hard though.
I'm constantly wondering if, given the chance, I will be that way when I'm old. Is there anything I can do right now to 'not' be that way...to not be mean spirited and not have to do things 'my' way because that's the only 'right' way...
I've thought about printing out my blog or writing random things down on paper so that I can read them when I get to that stage in my life, as a reminder to myself. Of course then my ADD kicks in, as I'm wondering where I'll keep it so it won't get lost,as I go around the house in search of the best place to put the papers and decide to clean out that drawer or cupboard I've just opened........I'm not at all sure that will work.
So, what can I do? Probably nothing. Just hope and pray ( again) that IF one of my children are in a position of being my caregiver,which I sincerely hope that doesn't happen, that I will keep my mouth shut and just be thankful.

I'm sure things are getting to me right now because I'm tired. Not having a real day off is really hard on me. I'm such a wuss! It would be much worse if I never got to come home and had to stay there 24/7. I could do it for a week or so if I had to but hopefully that won't happen for a while.

My Dad used to be the one who kept me sane. His little jokes or antics. But his mind is doing some funny things lately and it's not funny. I actually found myself avoiding him yesterday simply because I didn't want to give him an opportunity to talk about nonsensical things or worse yet....family. It's sad. I'm sad. I'm tired of crying.
I've got to get ready for work now. This is Friday and if Dad's lucky he can play golf. I have to take him over to his friends house at 9. His friend is the one who drives them to the club and watches his ball after he tees off. Dad can't see it.

Can't be late!
Paint that smile on girl...
It's a new day.........
New hope is waiting on you.....
put that cheerie sing-song lilt in your voice to mask the sadness and go make their day bright!

hugs and loves to all!~!!!

4 comments:

Sunshine said...

That makes me sad Ma. I'm sorry you have to go through this with the grandparents. I know it's not easy seeing people who you once thought of as strong in mind and body, deteriorate right before your eyes. But if anyone can do it and get through it with a smile on her face, it's you. Fake or real, we love your smile and I know they are appreciative of it! XO

Alli said...

Make sure you take care of you!!!

Anonymous said...

okay...so what has she said now???

tt said...

SHE didn't say it...Daddy did. :(