Wednesday, April 15, 2009

getting squishie with it .......ha

Have you ever thought about tooth brushes? The electric kind? I know.......every morning right? lol..........
Well, you ought to see what an 83, soon to be 84 year old man who's legally blind and has Dementia does with his!!! Tuesdays are my ' wet cleaning' days. Bathrooms, non carpeted floors, sinks, tubs etc. My parentals don't use the same bathroom to bathe and stuff. Dad's is upstairs in my old room. There is a HUGE mirror, about 10 feet long or so that spans the length of the vanity. One sink. Each Tuesday I'm completely surprised at that I see on that vanity and mirror. Seriously!!!!! I know what's coming as I walk in there but still I'm amazed at the sheer volume of toothpaste mess. Toothpaste splatters are literally everywhere!!!!!! The whole length of the mirror.........the entire vanity and anything sitting on it....the shower doors behind it..... the walls....nothing is left untouched.....even the toilet! ( which has it's own mess mind you ) Cracks me up! lol
I think it would be like handing a 3 year old an electric toothbrush, telling him to brush his teeth and then leaving the room. Facinating ;) I can only imagine how long it takes him to find the off button.
Yep, it's a full life. :)
Dad had 2 cancer spots cut off his ears yesterday morning. Guess what we talked about the rest of the day? hahaha...his bank statement! I'll never figure out how the mind works.
My daily schedule was so off yesterday from Dr. appointments and grocery stores...3 grocery stores mind you....going to the bank about 'said' Dad loosing one of his night time syringes and not being able to find it...that's curious....that I completely forgot to do their weekly pillcases! I got a call from the Mom about 30 minutes after I had taken my sleepers. Well, shitfuckdamn! My bad. Drove back down to Tulsa, a 30 minute drive, filled the pills while listening to my Dad laugh about trying to find the pills in the empty case ( it really was funny ) and then the trip home. I think I was asleep 5 minutes later. I've filled those pill cases every Tuesday for almost 2 frickin years....and yesterday I forgot. whatever..........
Monday will mark my 2 year anniversary of caregiving. Wow!! Time flies when you're having fun doesn't it?! lol
The ways in which my life have changed were unimaginable to me when I started this. The rollercoaster only has small dips now. Thank God! I'm actually starting to see the joys in this again. I can feel my compassion coming back. I feel a different kind of energy flow...slower but steady. I can do steady.
It's all good in TT's world now.
Lovee is working an earlier shift at the Wal~mart DC this week. We're getting up at 3 AM! It's now 5:20 and I'm ready for my day. Insane I tell you....insane! lol
But, I've got to start my day with a bit of Lovee time you know...he's my hero. :)

Happy hump day blobbies.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Update.....or rambles.. :) .....

Good grief!! It's been almost a month since I posted anything. So much has gone on I don't know where to start......actually, it's a lot of nothing that's gone on. Does that make since?

First an update on my new 'miracle' meds. I really don't have the words to describe how I feel. It's different. In a good way. I haven't cried in 5 weeks. That's huge for me...HUGE!!! The simplest things would set me off. Well, what I called simple anyway. Mountains of squishie grape juice would just pour out of me and half the time I didn't know where it came from. Seriously. I mean, I knew it was because of taking care of the parentals and watching their slow decline and their daily struggles and all of the shit that goes with it, but I guess it just built so slowly that I didn't realize the toll it was taking. Add to it my insane desire to be a 'pleaser' to everyone....especially my folks...............well, I set myself up for failure. Not intentionally mind you, but none the less.........that's the out come. Why would I expect so much from myself that I wouldn't expect someone else? I have no answer for that. Not going to examine that anymore either.
Am I rambling? Probably. Here's some

When I started this blog.......I did it as a way to get things off my chest so to speak. Once I say something out loud or put it into's usually gone. Done. Off my mind. Usually forever actually..,....
Now that I'm on the miracle 'happy pills'...I no longer feel the need to express myself. That's curious to me. Very curious. I no longer obcess on things....I don't over analyze things to death...
All good things. I see sunshine everyday....I feel joy....but can recognize sorrow and acknowledge it without a melt down. Curious.

I saw my Dr. yesterday for a review of what's been going on since I started the meds. He said he was very, very worried about me and that "I made his day" by seeing that the meds were working and he didn't have to try something else. Me too. :)

Another thought that does go through my squishie grape is this blog. I'm sure it's the meds, but I actually have no desire to post anything. I do find that curious....a wee bit anyway.
My extreme emotions are repressed....or perhaps compressed.....and I like it that way.
So, frequent posting from me will probably go by the wayside.......
I may write from time to time....about Dad's new looping on coins.....he can't remember what they are or what they're for....or Mom' new forgetfullness....or that all of their friends are dropping like flys and we attend way too many funerals.......or that how I have to tell Mom how to start the dishwasher every Dad's becoming obcessive about his failing health...
little things like that. :) did I just say 'little'? lol

I'm in a contented place right now. I'm just going to go with that and enjoy what life brings me.