Monday, April 30, 2007

One down and ??? to go

Day one was..well, rather uneventful actually. Mom had the biggest smile on her face ever when she opened the door to me. I said she looked very happy this morning and she said'I'm more relieved than anything but happy to". I smiled and kissed her cheek . I'm thinking she's relieved that I would be there to take some stress from her and she says no, that she just got off the phone w/ Lovee to see if I was coming or not...or if I was 'dead' on the HWY b/c she couldn't remember if I was coming today or not and if I was, why wasn't I there by now! Hummm, so I remind her that she told me not to get there untill 9:30 or 10:00 so I chose 10. Guess what? I'm planning on being there at 9:15 tomorrow b/c she told me 9:30. ha...
I took a pad of paper w/ me to write thoughts I might have and also to write down things they mentioned needed to be done. That way I wouldn't forget and could ck them off when completed. The last entry on that pad was " note to self---write on paper in different room!"
Whenever i picked up the paper to write something, one of them would look at me and say " what are you writing?" I'd tell them a"to-do list" and just "stuff"...a couple hours would go by and I'd be writing something else and the question came up again" what are you writing?"..
Ok, these are 2, almost
blind ppl sitting across the room from me who can hardly see the T.V, can barely see to write a check but they can see me writing on paper! It's gonna be fun.
We went to the bread store.
Went to the grocery store
went to the $1.oo store for fake flowers for the yard but they were out...scratch the head on that...
Figured out their meds to get them on paper..for Dr.'s and such. The one she had was very outdated.
Had lunch and....... OH,OH,OH,OH I almost forgot..................................
gave Dad his first Manicure!!!! So, cute! He asked for one in a round about way. He said there was something wrong w/ his fingernails, that they kept catching on his clothes and stuff and that he hadn't cut them in about 2 weeks coz he was waiting for me to check them out and see what the problem was. Well, they were dry and split..down the center some of them. So I files and cut and buffed and lotioned them up. He looked like he really enjoyed it. He asked why they were doing that. I told him it may be age and that his hands were real dry so we'd probably need to do this mani every couple weeks. I said I'd bring some nail oil from home tomorrow and put on them and that I'd watch and make sure his nails looked good from now on. He kinda chuckled and said ok, he'd like that. Love the Dad!!!!!!!! then.....
made Brownies
watched the storm for a while and inbetween all this, Mom managed to get in about 3 wee snoozes on her Loveseat.
Helped her w/ spaghetti dinner and then at 6......I left.
That was it.
Smooth first day......yay!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Internal controls

My grape finally juiced itself and I now feel better. Why? Because feeling guilty is counter productive. IT IS WHAT IT IS. I love that. I always knew that but I just couldn't get my feelers wrapped around it. I Can't change what was done 28 years ago or I would have....let it go and move on. Momentary lapse's in judgement can have eternal consequences but there is no time machine to re-do something. Ok. I accept that I am not nor was I ever a perfect parent. They don't exist. ( really?..duh!) A quick, split 5 seconds forever changed my first born. He was sooo advanced for his age...walking at 5 months. climbing stairs at 9 mo....talking in sentences at 23 months....potty trained by 1 1/2....I viewed him as being older than he was. What did I know? Not enough...evidently. I treated his as if he were older. Did I listen to my internal 'mommie-gut- warning' enough. No. My wee little, smart,above average ( said the Dr.'s, not just me) 23 month old precious first born boy, fell through the railing from our UPstairs apartment walkway and landed on his forehead! There, it's in print. Coma, seizures, fracture behind the left ear led to Neumococal Meningitus. Projectile vomiting, fever up to 105 ! He was put on Phenobarbitol for a year...which has ever lasting side lowering your IQ..But, here's the part I never really concentrated on before...Lovee reminded me of it a few nights ago. HE LIVED!!! I obviously know that, but the grusome accident took over my life. It has for 28 years! The bad part is what I kept reliving -not the good part...which is that he survived. Ok, so he was irreversability damaged and had to be retaught everything. Ok. He had so many struggles growing up, which I ALWAYS attributed to "the fall"..but no one else did. Guilt was my constant companion...tucked away in that nether region which I visited everytime something seemed "wrong" with Baby Boy. " he's a teenager, hel'll outgroww it" " he's just acting out, all teenagers do that" " He's just having a hard time adjusting to his new surroundings, some kids go through that"......etc.
Such struggles he's had. I don't want to go into all of them...I know every one of them too well..but here's what brought everything to a head so to speak. He finally got an accurate diagnoses last week. This diagnosis was by a Neurologist in conjunction with all the Dr.'s and councelors he's seen over the past year. He's Bi-polar ( which we already knew) with Schizofrenia and a something-something anxiety disorder. Phew!! Ok, he's on 10 different meds....I pray he stays with them........ but here's the part that sent me over the edge.
The fall, landing on his forehead was the direct cause!! His brain started processing things differently...things 'normal' ppl would shrug off, bounced around his wee little grape and didn't land in the proper place.
Hence tha guilt on my part.
That's where my guilt erupted from ( the last few posts); sending me into a tailspin...which luckily didn't last too long. Lovee, my rock and my most trusted companion in the universe...through out some one liners ...simple but exactly what i needed. I analized every feeling I was having..tearing everything apart...telling him my every thought whether they made sense or not...and he said very little. He listened . Then, said a few words..."You did the best you could with what you knew". Simplistic, but true. " what-if's" went flying around and then I realized that I!!!!... I can't control everything...very little actually. Then the saying that tweb has which is MINE now( thank you very much - I'm stealing it forever) "It is what it is" flew through me like a bolt.
It's said ppl come into your life for a reason. Like, our life wouldn't be the same w/o ETK...the BFF....our other #'d kids......... . So, for what's it's worth, I'm putting a hugely, biggly, jinormous THANK YOU out into the universe for all to feel.
a big puffy heart to all.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Kick off time

Is this coming Monday. I'm ready...mostly.....sorta...uh....yep, I'm ready.
Mom is more excited and up beat than I've seen her in a long time. Dad is doing real well now.
So! We'll see .
As tweb says,"it is what it is"
My new favorite saying. I like it. Simple but packed w/ meaning.
Ready for the ride?

The Universe

I wonder if the universe picks up on my random thoughts. I so believe that if you put shit "out there", ie: actions, for all to see then it's going to, one day, come flying back and kick you in the ass. But, what about thoughts. No one can see a thought. Ppl can look at my face and tell if I'm deep in thought but no one knows what those thoughts are unless I tell them right? Right! Of course if One were to constantly internalize their thoughts then eventually there could be some type of external explosion...I would think. Depending on what the thought process contained would determine whether the explosion was of vibrant colors or deep nasty gunk. I think after the explosion is when one would be able to finally come to terms with whatever was being internalized. Just like this 'virtual diary' of mine. I've discovered that whenever I take the time to write things down, I can understand whatever it is that's heavy on my mind. Untill then my grape replays, over and over, whatever it is that is so burdonsome or silly or weird...kinda like when a song gets stuck in your head and replays over and over and over. Eventually you've got to get a new song in there or the grape just turns to mush. New thoughts, different thoughts, need to enter. Maybe I need an internal sign; One that says " Happy, joyful thoughts enter here". The room for those thoughts would be huge and cavernous and bright and colorful so I would have room to roam whenever I wanted to. Then I'd need another one that said " Guilt and sorrowful thoughts enter here". That room would need to be very small and dark so I
couldn't see it very well. So dark that it would become very tiring to see the mess and I would eventually be forced to leave so that I could live again.
The universe is big. So too, is the mind. They're both hard to figure out. Deep exploration from time to time in the ways of reading, learning, listening, writing etc. are good. To know that somethings will always remain a mystery is good to understand and accept too.
Hummm, queries, posers....random universal thoughts.
Good Morning tt. Put on you smile and go take the folks to Denny's. You'll feel better knowing you helped someone today.
Needless to say my heart is heavy today. It's better than it was last night which is good.
But, on the flip side of all this rambling, I'm not sure I'm ready to write it down. I'm not quite through internalizing everything.

Friday, April 27, 2007


We are human beings, with an emotional state produced by thoughts that we have not lived up to our ideal self and could have done otherwise.
It's one of the most sad emotions one can experience. I have a Love/hate relationship with it.
Stay away from it.
Make it go away.
Where is the release button? No, wait...I need the easy's here somewhere...I've just misplaced it for a while.
If found, please return to owner.


That's me tonight.
But, I read this and I'm going to try and squeeze it into that dark nether region of myself and hopefully I'll take it out from time to time and revisit it.

" If you planted hope today in any hopeless heart,
If someone's burden was lighter because you did your part,
If you caused a laugh that chased a tear away,
If tonight your name is mentioned when someone kneels to pray,
Then your day was well spent."



I saw this in a magazine:

"4 out of 5 people now make up 80% of the population"

Just to show you how muchy my grape gets at times: Lovee had to explain this to me!!!!!!

How sad....Hello, I'm tt, have we met?

My Last day at work

Was alot harder thatn I thought it would be!
My lovely co-workers gave me something I've been threatening to get for years!! It's purple !!
Yep, it's a strap-on penis!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! The Boss ( I call him Sir) told me to stand in a particular location so a couple gals could take my picture. I said I didn't want a pic taken cuz my pics usually turn out lousy...he was smiling and joking and told me to " get over there!!" Naturally I replied with..." uh, no...don't wanna don't havta..gonna fire me?" We all tee-hee'd and laughed then he gets the "look" and says loudly, "get over there...NOW". Well shit!! Technically he's still the 'Sir', so I go over to the half door he's pointing to and prop myself up and make some kind of smirk and tell the gals to get it over with and then....POW!!! I get poked Right in the Butt!!!!!!!!! I spin around and see, to my utter amazement, One of our newer gals striking a pose, hands on the hips and all, with a deep purple strap-on just a waggin!!! I laughed so hard I had to get my squirt!! It was hillarious.
They also gave me a CD I'd been wanting to get for our wee vaca, but kept forgetting...Josh Grobin...aaahhhhhhh...I love his stuff.
There was a cake that looked like a fav!....The Donut man brought in sausage rolls.....another fav.....
I pretty much goofed around the entire morning. The suits had already killed me off the computer so there wasn't much I could do. Alot of my fav customers came by to give hugs and best wishes. Ahhh, shucks! I was humbled by the emotions showed. Geez..I hate goodbyes!!
I left early to go ck on the Dad and take the Mom to do the hair thing. However.....before I could get into Suzi-Suvi, one lil gal( who calls me her "wise woman" and the one who quit last year for greener pastures that weren't there and came back to take my place [ phew.. what a run-on]) came running out..litterally...calling my name, gave me a big squeeze and then yanked my pants down!!!!!!!!
Ha ha.............I had done that to her when she left before!! Her arms were full of gifts and we have a habit of playing grab-ass and grab-boob... so I simply walked up to her and said something like' ya know what's coming right?' and just gave a big yank. She's a wee little thing, maybe 100 lbs..if that. She toddled over to set her stuff down and pulled 'em up. It was too funny. Anyway, MY pants were harder to get down, so while she was pulling I was tuggin them up. She was laying on the ground by the time she gave up. Too funny. BBQ had been ordered for our lunch that day but obviously I couldn't stay. I did find out though that the President of the bank and a few other officers had come over to have lunch w/ me and wish me well. Awwwwwww!! That was nice.
I played the CD all the way to Mom's house crying the whole way!!!!! It was way harder than I thought it would be.
Go figure!

Thought for the day

May you be in Heaven an hour before the Devil knows you died!


Ok, so I'm doing inside while Lovee is doing outside. At least that's what is supposed to be happening. I keep going outside the 'help'..ha ha..........of course then I track shit inside...which puts more on my 'to-do' list...! Focus tt, Focus!!

Our yard was in much need of a mowin'. Lovee is affectionately called the 'Lawn Ranger"..Sometimes I think he lives to mow. The next door slackers don't mow very often, which is causing Lovee to frown biggly and often. They are strange ppl..........a mom and her 17 yr old son. Both are very weird. Sometimes she pays another kid to mow.....just sometimes though. I think they're just Lazy. Plus there's that whole thing of 'if the outside looks shitty what does the inside look like?' Me thinks it looks like the outside..... blahhhck.. ppl, where's your pride? Sheesh!! I think Lovee is gonna talk to the HOA about it and see if there's something that can be done. The Rabbi/Dad who used to live there before he up and scooted to Florida, bought the kid a riding mower. He's used it a couple times, maybe, but he waits untill the grass is a foot high before he tackles it and it keeps stalling so he quits. The mower has been taken over by weeds as I type! Lovee is sooo frustrated. He tried to help them along last summer by doing their front yard, hoping they would do some too, but that didn't happen. Talking to them dosn't help either. Lovee finally quit and said f-it. Back to the ghetto for them!!!!!!!! Go AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLACKERS!!! Lovee is anything BUT a slacker so it really bothers him.
Another ponderer. Hummmmmmm

wee bit 'o time

I'm in a cleaning frenzy at the present. I didn't get to do the last minute cleaning I usually do before a trip cuz of the Dad issue. So, now I'm in that mode...nothing major but my AADD is kicking in biggly. All the treasures we brought home need to find a home.....suitcases to unpack.. barrells of clothes to wash. I'm going from one room to another in complete random order and huffing and puffing, for at least an hour now, and I can't see that I'm making much progress. Well, the bed is made. Horray for me ;). One small task complete and a kazillion to do. ha

Had a fabulous time w/ Pups and Alli.! We adore their Townhouse. Merlah is the biggest love-dog in the world. Kittie was sweet too...pretty much...I didn't get nipped at all. Fact, I couldn't tell there was a cat in the house! I'm pretty allergic to cats. Well, evidently not as much as I used to be, but I never had an eye-itchie or or nose-twitchie the whole time. Yay!
We went toolin' around in their "Mini-S' Cooper. Now Lovee wants one. The top was down blowin the hair every which way but we didn't care one bit. Sooooo fun! We even put our hands up in the air like we were on a roller coaster...silly but fun! Went and watched boats and had icecream, oh so good. Found something we "needed" to take home from a little shop but when we went back on Monday they were closed. :( !! Dammit!! Beautiful blue pots still in the shipping crate, on SALE ...and they were closed! Stupido ppl!! Oh well. We found a wee shop outside of town and got us a Texas star for our fence and a wee one for our travel wall. So cool! I love our travel wall!
more later....the dryer is buzzing....Adois!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

We're back!!!! My mind is still missing tho

What a wonderfully,biggly gooderer, frapulishous time we had. I'm too pooped to write much now. Took me almost 2 hours to read everything that's been going on with everyone . Plus me finers keep hitting the reowong keys. I left that wrong to show you how muchy the grape is. Too muxch backspace is going one now.
I've so missed writing my thoughts down. And teading about what's been going on.
Geez, guess the sleepers have kikd in.More later.

Friday, April 20, 2007


Dad is home....found the problem......bleeding ulcers in his stomach and the blood thinners, he was on 2 of them?? humm... Now on Nexium 2x a day. IV's rehydrated him..BP is normal now...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're off for H-twon tomorrow!!! Yippee!
I'll catch up next weekend.
Will ya miss me and my grape?
I'll miss you

last day is here

and none too soon evidently.
Bittersweet day for sure. I will go in today ONLY because I think my coworkers have planned something for me. Sheesh...I hate goodbyes!
Gotta leave by 10:30 tho to take mom to the hairdresser and then up to see the Dadster. NOTHING stops her from going to get the do done. :) I won't go back to work after that. With the way my mind is this morning, it'll be a very emotional day...lots of deep breatheing is gonna take place. :)
Dad's symptoms are: red and black bood in diareah, non stop for the last 12 hours.....averaging about 1 an hour.....light headedness and dizzy....Nausea......BP was 52/97 at the Dr's office....ugh! He's completely lightheaded which being dehydrated can cause.....Pastey white complection... He's had intermitant Diaraah for almost a year. Lost about 18 inches of his colon a few years back because of polyps. Prostate cancer killer his bladder control about 4 years ago, but he's a trooper and didn't seem to mind alot. He survived.
There's more but I've forgotten. :(
A colorectal Dr. is coming in to see him today. Hope that wasn't TMI.
Thought for the day: Think good thoughts!!!!!
The grape is feeling a bit squishie right now. Gotta go paint and spackle......................
And ( duh) wee vacation is on hold.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


No posting for a while. The Dr. put my Dad in the hospital today.
More on that later.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

ETK's in trouble!

Pups is gonna get her for not reminding him of this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's her job; to remind him of events.'re in trouble!!!
He cracks me UP!!!!!

Trading places

I'm the Mom now. That's how my Mom introduced me to her Dr. when I took her there Monday. We were sitting in the waiting room....just waiting.....which I pointed out to her that's why they call it a "waiting room" because you "wait". She acknowledged she doesn't have any patience ( everybody knows this) so I'm trying to think of a distraction for her. She was waiting to see the hand Dr. and wasn't looking forward to what was most likely going to happen, a shot in her thumb!! OUCH!! So---
Me: want some gum/
ma: no....(pause) what kind?
me: sugarless pepermint
ma: I don't like peppermint gum
me: what kind do you like?
ma: spearmint
me: well, try this: it's not like regular pepermint......Here, try half a piece.
ma: (chewing) ummmm, this is good, not like regular has cinnamon in it I think.
me: Just keep chewing ...
seconds pass.......................................
Me: Ya know, we could go get ice cream after we're through.......if you do get a shot do you want
to make owl eyes?......just keep chewing and'll be ok.......

Nurse calls her back..she's walking ahead of me, doing her g-ma shuffle, makes a motion with her hand, throwing it back over her shoulder and says...

"That's my Mom!"

She didn't miss a beat! Just kept going....Intro'd me to the Dr. the same way! Even told him about the owl eyes!
She got the shot.....................yeowwwwwwwww!! and managed it very well! I was impressed. No tears, no uglypain face...Sisterlittle knows that look! She said last month she'd rather have surgery cuz she'd be asleep..............and it wouldn't hurt if she was sleeping. I had to remind her what she'd feel when she woke up.
She said we'd get icecream another time.
That was the nice side of my mom.'
I hope I have more days like that.

Yea!!!!!! finally he's gone!!!

American Idol just regained my viewership..Sanjaya was FINALLY voted off! It's about effing time!! Sheesh . Of course, I started feeling sorry for him when alligator tears started streaming down his face. I'm such a sap! My eyes betrayed me...nothing new there....and almost leaked. But I got over it quickly.


It has finally hit me, as of today, that I only have 2 more days at work!! 2 days, that's it. We're going on a mini vacation the following week which I'm soooo looking forward to. But when we get back...I'll not be returning to my former place of employment. I'll drive the opposite direction everyday. Doing something I've been doing for some time now but on a more permanent basis. It's not like I've never quit a job before...done that dozens of times...either because we were being transferred or I found something better. Maybe it's the reason I'm quitting that's got me feeling all "fubar". That, plus...whenever anyone says why are you leaving and I say " to take care of my folks" everyone....w/o exception goes " ohhhhh" and then just stares at me sort of weird like. Like, there's nothing else to say about the matter...or perhaps they completely understand and know that words aren't necessary. I don't know....It's all just so sureal, ya know?!

Monday, April 16, 2007


That ws supposed to read " fancy dancing "

Tired tt - out ;)

Pow Wow

Ever been to one ? Me neither untill Saturday. How fun was that.
There were like 27 tribes represented. Each tribe has a different style of garments...feathers...beads...bells....and it has to be as authentic as possible in keeping w/ the particular tribes history. At one point in the program, Lovee's friend's youngest daughter was allowed to ask a man to dance ( indian style :) ) so she asked Lovee!! I honestly haven't seen him squirm so much since ...well it was a long time ago when I wanted him to "fast" dance w/ me!! ( that's another story) Anyway, by tradition, if the girl is turned down she has to be paid. That's when Lovee got excited, opened up his wallet and said " how much?" LOL . I was totally jealous by the time we left....jealous that i wasn't an Indian. If I were, I'd want to be one that gets to wear the buckskin and beads with lots of fringe! :) The oldest daughter of a guy Lovee know, was being crowned Princess of this PowWow. Huge ceremony with dancing and food and steeped in tradition. I LOVED the "fancy danding"...feathers everywhere stomping and twirling around. My ancestors were 'boat' ppl. Just not as exciting or as eventful as Indians. If you get the chance, I urge everyone to go to at least one. Wonderful!

Flower Bouquet for me?!

Awww, a big thank you to my cherished long distance younguns!!
I had to take the Mom to a Dr. appt. today. When I finally got back to work, 4 hours later!... there was a BIG box w/ my name on it just begging to be opened. My co-workers told me it took everything they had not to open it. lol
Well, it took four of us to open it...they were anxious cuz it had the word "cookie" on the return label. :)
Inside was a giant Cookie Bouquet. It's beautiful. I'd never seen one before. Really! The card said good luck in my new adventure and that they were ........oh heck!...I forget...but something like they were pulling for me......I sniffed...biggly..... Then I had to tell everyone, Yes, you can have a cookie. :)
Thanks ETK and Baby and Alli and Pups!!
Ya'll make my heart puffy.

Only four more days of work. Then off on vacation! YAY!!!!
Wish I could take sisterlittle with me. She needs a break about now. She teaches 8th graders!!
She sent me the most precious necklace a couple weeks ago. I need to post a picture of it. You will seriously, totally drool when you see it. Beautiful, georgeous.... it's mine!
xo sisterlittle, xo.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

new phrase

Toad Strangler. That's a heavy downpour of much rain that the toads and frogs drown.
We had one of those Friday. It was blowin-a-gale as the easterners like to say.
The gusts were so hard that I dinged my new Suzi-Su-v !!! I opened the back door to put a humane animal trap in and just as I was about to put the cage in a ginormous gust blew the door into the cage which pushed the cage into my Suzi!!! Aaaarrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
SDF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( fav phrase when I'm upset biggly( ha, how's that tweb?)
Just made the first payment on her 10 days ago and now I need touch up paint. I was sad and mad at the same time.( heavy sigh)

Have a great week ya'll!!!!!!!!
This will be my last week at work. I'll be a wreck the whole time I'm sure.
More later-
Hey tweb...this is for you..........

tt-out :)


Did global warming start when the smokers were forced outside?
Just a thought.

Another justification...of sorts

this thought is for those men who need a different perspective on going shopping. Sorry if I sound sexist. I'm not, but we all need a reality check sometimes. :)

Simple really: Shopping for women = (insert word-ie: hunting,fishing,camping, golfing) for men.
Sometimes it's the hunt that's exciting- ie: window shopping, trying on stuff, oohing and awing.
Sometimes it's the kill that's exciting- ie: buying that purse,shoes,skirt,makeup etc.

Makes perfect sense to me. Am I too simplistic?
I thought it was a good analogy.

shut the duck up already!!!!!!!!!

One of my coworkers likes to talk. That in itself isn't so bad but she talks incessantly!!!!!!!!! From the time she gets there in the morning untill the time she leaves. IF, she were to talk about interesting things or tell us something new maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But she doesn't. She has" been there and done that" ,bigger, better, nicer, newer,faster,slower,higher,longer,cheaper,expensiver( ha) later,newer... blah,blah,blah!!!!
She has no off switch that we can find. I once got up my nerve to look at her and put my hand up and say "VOICES OFF". She just looked at me and giggled and started up right where she was before I so rudely interrupted her.
I will not miss her.

Beautiful,gorgeous..wish you were here!

Today was fabulously nice outside! High 60's lowish 70"s....beautimus sunshiney day.
We went for a 4 hour drive around the NE part of our fair state that I've never been to. Not sure why I haven't been there but...stopped at an Antique shop....LOVE those.
The only black spot on our day was when I discovered( quite by accident) the diamond was gone out of my engagement ring!!!!!!!!!!!!! The alligator tears subsided after about 10 minutes! Lovee kept telling me it was no big deal that we could get it replaced...Of course, we gals know that's not the point. Of course we can but the 'other" one was original....even if it was small it was original! Add to the fact that this set is my second set because i LOST the first one. I'm so totally not good with it but not good with it.
Anyway, the day was other wee little mishap....not mishap exactly exactly but a surprise was ruined. I bought Lovee a "Coke" cooler that's on a stand to put out on the deck by the pool. He loves Coke stuff...has a bunch but not this. He saw it and drooled. So I get it one day while being sneeky and THOUGHT I hid it in the guest room where he wouldn't see it. WRONG!!!! He went looking for something and found it before I could stop him. Darn! He said he'd wait untill his B-day to open it and put it together. He's very, very happy tho.
Love to see him smile! It makes my day.

Saturday, April 14, 2007


FYI for those who care..the high in Santorini tomorrow will be 66 then taper off to be in the low 60's the rest of the week. I'm ready to go back! Bring on the Greek salads and the wine and the baklava and the music and......everything! Let's relive pups being ETK's "beckandcall-best person"......he was in rare form I'll tell ya! He was the absolute best person for the job that's for sure. I'll have to get Sunshine to post a pic of him with that big sweet smile he had while he was looking after her. Priceless!
More random thoughts as they come............

Lovee and Me

I adore this picture of Lovee and me. It was taken at Alli and Pups wedding on Maui. We were at a luau that ended up getting rained out just as we were trying the poi....( uck-o) We had a fabulou time though! I'll have to put a pic of us from Santorini too...just to keep things even!
My ever sweet sunshine girl put this picture on here for me. She's so savy at this computer stuff. I probably could do it if I'd follow etk's directions....but it's just easier if I ask Sunshine to do it for me. Thanks!!
I'll get her to show mw how so I can put some pics up of our upcoming wee vacation to H-town and Branson. My 'last hurrah' so to speak before I start my "new" job. I can't wait!

Friday, April 13, 2007

It's finally Friday!!!

yay for Fridays. Jeans,sneaks and a work shirt! Doesn't get much better than that.
After today I will have one more week. I'm not sure really, how that makes me feel. I'm carrying such a mixed bag of emotions right now. It's getting a tad bit heavy to tell the truth.On a more positive note, lately the ppl I've told about my empending employment change have been very positive and told me what an honor it would be to be able to do that for their parents. I guess for me, it's probably the fear of the unknown. I'm used to having changes in my life...well I used to be accustomed to changes...I looked forward to them while we were young and "seeing the world". Sometimes though, changes can lead to my being overwhelmed. And we all know what happens then! ha;)
That being said, I do know that when the occasion arrises I can be a force to be reckoned with! Guess it's time for me to swallow a heaping dose of my own medicine, put my" big girl" panties on and just deal with it. Yep, that's the ticket!

It's chilly and rainy today. But, we've got thunder and lightning so that makes it interesting. I love rain storms! Don't love Tornado's though!!!!!!!! None are forcasted in this storm thank goodness. Wish I could stay home and be know...lay around snoozing,watching a little tube, eating chocolate and snuggleing with my lil dogs....ah to relax.
Wake up tt!!!!!!!!!! Damn!
I hate to take Suzi-Su-V out in this weather. Isn't that the most rediculous thing you've ever heard of?! She's a car for pete's sake....No,NO...more than a car....she's my acheing-back-salvation! My hinnie just slides in...........then slides straining to get out like in the green kitty( 97' Cougar ) . She's even the perfect color for me. It's called Dark Stone which is beautiful but hard to describe, but you can see a funny mix of dk brown and dk green I have this thing about rocks and stones. We got a couple fabulous ones from outr last trip. Oops...I digress..sorry. Any way, it took us a while to come aroung to the whole SUV thing...but this small version is absolutely perfect...for me. ( there is a recall on it right now though...We'll have to gt that fixed before the trip) Lovee adores it too. It's so handy when we go to Lowe's. Or as my Dad says....LOUies! He's so funny. :)

Have a happy Friday ya'll.

tt-out :)

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Lip Rip

Yay for me! I'm officially hair free for the next....oh.......few hours maybe. I got off work early, so I scooted home, checked some mail, folded clothes, talked to Sis then went to see my Liprip lady. Ahhhh, it hurts so good. Anyway,while she was ripping me she mentioned a new product she just found out about. Evidently there is a special 'hair dye" for the 'hooha'...:) I've never heard about it, but that's no surprise. We were trying to figure out how it would work and became hysterical with the visual images it was creating. Would one need to put plastic wrap over it or use a hair-dryer on it or would one need to stuff cotton into other crevices that are in close proximity to it??? Let me tell grape was mush by the time I left there. I'm guessing there is probably a huge need for services like know, for the 'older' ladies who dye the hair up north but the southern front looks snowcapped! I'm thinkin she could really rake in the moolah!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

teenie-tiney minds

I'm forever amazed at the boldness of boggots and racists!!! Why is it that the sweet,nice keep-to-yourself-ppl walk around never voiceing their opinions while the overbearing-loud-mouth-bass ppl can't keep theirs shut. A fellow came in today and started his usual banter about the weather and other nonsinceical things when all of a sudden he started spewing crap about how Martin Luther King stole the Good Friday holiday and then proceeded to use every racial slur available in his obviously tiny pea size grape! I just looked at him and said nothing. I couldn't argue with him cuz I was at work. But I did manage to say, after he asked 'Don't ya think so?"......... "Uh, absolutely not, anything else I can do for ya?"" Nice wallet ya got there...did you make it yourself?" "Yea, it was a craft project we did for the kids in the Sunday School class I teach" W.T.F !!!!!!!!!!! TEACH....Sunday school? Like I've said, small towns have small minds.


People are always after me because I loudly admit to admiring the First Lady's. I do. To my way of thinking, it takes a really strong woman to put up with as much shit as a FL has to. And strong women are my hero's. All of them...even Hillary....deserve a great deal of respect in my book.
I'm too sleepy to type all my justifications....maybbe later...fd'iujn073jf;sdlkljkjdi nvn fdap jjesj slk'mzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Haley on Idol

Ya know, I've watched Idol since it first came on...well I started watching half way through the first one....anyway....It amazes me that I'm almost always surprised at who gets voted off! What the hey..........tonight was Haley. She's so cute and a good singer I think. Not on a Madona level or a J-Lo scale but possibly on girls or Hillary Duff level maybe? She could have a huge tennie-bopper fan base I think. I hope she gets the chance. On the other hand, Sanjiah or however you spell it is still there!!!!!!!!!!! HUH??????I just don't get it. Who is behind him staying there? I'm thinking conspiracy theory.......waddaya think? Or do you even care?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

welcome to my world

I decide to water my plants.
As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washed.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the car that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on a chair, put the junk mail in the garbage can by the chair and notice the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the chair and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take the check book out of my purse which is on the chair, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in the desk in the in the bedroom, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refirgerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decided I better put them back on my desk, but I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but won't remember that it's on the kitchen table so
I decide to put it back in the livingroom where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
  • the car isn't washed
  • the bills aren't paid
  • there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
  • the flowers don't have enough water
  • there is still only one check in my check book
  • I can't find the remote
  • I can't find my glasses
  • and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

Go ahead and laugh..... your day is coming....if it's not already here!


Never enough time

If I were a more organized person I'd have time to do more, this I know. However, there are times when no matter how much you organize you can't squeeze in any more time. Actually it's not time that I need.......well yes it is........just in a different order. Yea, that's it. I need more free daytime hours. I know I'll get them next month but that won't really help cuz there's no computer at the folks house. ( Yes, it would be nice to have one there but it ain't gonna happen.)
The problem? There are 2 times a day during the week when I can post. In the mornings before I go to work: as long as it's not an early day..... and after I get home in the evening. Mornings, I usually try to get chores done so I won't be doing them all weekend. ...coz I've got to go to the folks and do for them plus try and fit some fun stuff in for Lovee and I and visit w/ the kids and friends..etc. If I post, I'm not doing my chores, so they back up and I'm doing them on the weekend. UHG!
Evenings, is the only time I have to visit with Lovee and maybe watch a few fav TV shows, but if I do that I can't post. Or if I do post, like tonight, Lovee just sits and watches TV by himself and then goes to himself....makes me sad.
So I'm thinking I may have to do my posting on the weekends.................
I'm not sure how to solve the dilema.
It's making the grape feel very squishie.
I'm really enjoying the outlet this gives me though so I need to find a solution. Guess I'll get some zzz's and see what I come up w/ tomorrow.

Love my Lovee!!!!!!!

I know I gush sometimes whenever I'm talking about him but...he's just so adorable.
You know the Crossword puzzles in the backs of mags and the paper and such, well I like to work them every now and then. It helps keep the grape stimulated "they" say,.. sheesh! The other day I was working one and Lovee was helping me whenever I got stuck...which happens ALOT! We had fun and laughs and kept working on the same one for several days. Well, I went to run me a soakie ( bath) and when I turned around there was a new puzzle on the vanity. This one though was homemade on the computer! Lovee made me one about us and our trips and family and friends! It looked just like it came out of a magazine! How sweet is that?!! The funny part is that he actually stumped me a few times. ha, I needed his help! He's so cute. He's made me 2 so far.

I discovered a nice, not too invasive way to make him be quiet. Tonight he was teasing me about something and I didn't want to hear anymore so I just kissed him! AHA!! Instant quiet! The hard part was to keep our lips together while we were both laughing.....I knew when I quit he'd start up again.....and he did. teehee.......he cracks me up!


I want to let anyone who reads this know that Tabby is on the mend and will be getting "fixed" as soon as the Vet says he well enough. He's such a cutie and I hate that we've neglected to get this done sooner. Ignorance is not always bliss when you find out the error of your ways.

Fiction V Truth

Sis says there shouldn't be a Fiction and Non-Fiction section for books. It should be Truth and Non-Truth. Evidently it took her a long time to understand the difference. :) She's got a point.
How about Pretend and Not-Pretend? With my facination with words it makes me think....Why do we have so many words that are the same but mean something different? Our exchange student from Brasil had a wee bit of a problem with that. like:
  • read or read-I'm going to read this...or...I read that....and the color red....this is " red" vs/ I read that.......
  • the bird can fly...........look at that big fly..........
  • seem or seam....It seems to me this is bigger...or that seam needs taken in...

Just some random shit doing it's floating thing in my grape again.

Enjoy your day! :)

9 days of work left

Alot of customers are commenting about how many days I have left. They're sad. Makes me feel better tho, knowing I'll be missed by some. I'm training my replacement as of yesterday. We both ate the same thing for lunch and both got sick! Won't eat that again! Who woulda thought a ham and cheese sandwich could be so eventful! (tummy is fine now) Anyway, the good news is she's already caught on; the bad new is she's already caught on! Now what do I do w/ my time?? It's gonna be a long 2 weeks! :(

Lovee and I are reallly looking forward to our little getaway. Gonna see Pups and Alli and Rj and his new wifey in H-town.....then back up to Branson! Lovee and I haven't been there since we were wee sprouts so it should be fun.

One of the good things about my new "job" is that I should be able to see my bff more and her daughter and new grandson!!!!!!! He's sooooooooooo cute. He's deffinitely a "hims-precious" as my sisterlittle says. yay for me!

Not so typical Easter

Our dinner went better than it ever has before! Not sure why exactly. Well, I take that back. I, for some reason, didn't stress out over it like I usually do. I kept the menu simple; salad, ham, mashed tators, green beans, rolls, a choice of brownies or Angel food cake w/ strawberries or both if they were indulgent. The mom only had 2 comments, I think, about dinner. One was about the green beans..she bought "french style" by mistake once..she doesn't prefer them, my reply.." oh, we any kind ". The second comment was " I like gravy on my mashed potatoes, those little packets of gravy are pretty good". My reply. " I thought about gravy but actually I forgot to make it, so this one time shouldn't make a big difference should it?" She replied " no, I just prefer gravy"
So, all in all it was very successful in the parental department. The BIG excitement for me..I'm so lame.........was the Ham and glaze. I got a spiral cut ham, which Lovee says I've done once before but I don't remember, and used a new recipe for the glaze. was really good. Here's the recipe if you want to try it.
  • 1 1/2 C packed brown sugar
  • 3/4 C creole or Dijon mustard
  • 3/4 C apple juice

Mix it all up and pour it over tha ham and baste every 20 minutes or so. the oven was at 350 but Lovee turned it down cuz it was too hot. baked for about 1 1/2 hours.



Mom only made "one" tacky comment to # 3 son's fiance.....I mentioned her weight loss was very apparent and how good she was looking..( she was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian something-or-other and is on medication..which is helping her alot )Mom said "yes, you do look better, you were pretty FAT before." AARRGGGHHHHHHHHHH... Sweet girl just smiled and said she knew it.

I apologized later but she said it was ok, she knew how G-ma was. Anyway I took the "units" home after a 2 hour stay and enjoyed the rest of the day! Ta-da!!!!! Success!!! Finally!!

Monday, April 9, 2007


Had the most awful Monday. I'll have to post about it tomorrow maybe. Right now I'm just starting to feel better. I came home from work about 4 and headed straight to the sandbox!! UGH!!!! Something I ate rebelled big time. Lovee fixed me the concoction and chicken soup w/ crackers. Then I got in his sleeping chair which lead to Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's.
Now I'm up and thinking I'd better get ready for bed. Hummmmm. I hate tummy problems. uck-o.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Bats not butterflies!!

Those suckers were flutterin' all over my belly today, wondering what you ppl would think of my blog!! I won't get graphic with the description but my insides sorta felt like a blender of ...umm...let's call it...mudslides. :(
I'm better now. Thanks.
Tomorrow is my last Saturday to work at the bank. Yay for me.
Of course after we get back from our wee vacation, I'll be" working" every Sat... at the folks.
That's ok. I won't have to worry about what to wear anymore...or reapplying my lipstick all day or being afraid that my large-mouth-bass of a mouth will get me fired. teehee
I've gotten away with sending my boss to his "room" a couple of times but it won't last forever. I must be good at that though, coz I've sent the Mom to her room before and she actually went ! Amazing!

Poor Sis is feeling rotten now. Infected wisdom tooth we think. She's on antibiotics but she can hardly open her mouth. She's coming up tomorrow for some "home care". Lovee will make her the 'concoction' and let her sit in his sleeping chair (recliner) She's special!

Lovee washed Suzi-Su-V for me tonight. He says she feels better now. I Love that car!


It's going to be interesting for me to figure out how to get my Dad to quit driving. My Mom will willingly give it up. Fact, that's part of what is keeping her mood somewhat up is knowing I'll be there all the time very soon. Dad, will be my challenge. I'll have to convince him it's HIS idea for me to be the driver whenever he wants to go somewhere. I'm really looking forward to doing stuff w/ him. I can take him golfing and be his 'ball spotter' ( coz he's next to blind) we can go to Ike's Chili House and have 3-way; we can walk the neighborhood together: I so worry about him doing that these days cuz he's so unsteady on his feet. He's diabetic and is loosing feeling in parts of his feet so he stumbles some and gets off balance. ( eeeekkkk!) We can go to the Wal~mart and get ..whatever he thinks up ...:)
Mom has said she already knows what she wants me to fix for dinner the first night. Meatloaf of all things! She's next to blind too because of Macular Degeneration. She has a really hard time cooking cuz she can't see the stove or oven dials :(
She's really looking forward to me planting her flowers under the tree out front! It should take me all of ten minutes.....cuz they're PLASTIC!! TeeHee :) She's anxious to go to the Dollar store to buy a few new ones this year! It's the little things as they say.
Who the f**k is "they". Has anyone met these people? Let's just kick 'em to the curb and not listen to 'em anymore..K? K!
I didn't get enough caffien, or however the heck ya spell it, so I'm sleepy now.

The Tabster's ok

He's on Amoxicillin now. Vet said to keep him inside somewhere for 4 or 5 days....uhhh...that ain't gonna happen. Can you say HUGE asthma attack w/ prolonged sneezies?! We did keep him in the dog kennel all night, but in the garage! The howl was downgraded to a low roar as of this morning. He's got a serious infection but should be ok. He thinks he's Mohamad Ali sometimes. The Vet said he reeeaaaally needs his buds snipped. We know this but he's ferral and we're afraid that would take his 'edge' away. Of course, on the other hand maybe he'd learn to walk away from a fight instead of instigating one. Ya think?!
We opened the cage this morning with a bowl of his fav pouch food ( w/ meds mixed in) in front of it. He ate it like it was his last meal then darted outside. Woosh, he was gone. :)
He'll show back up tonight tho I'm sure. Hope so anyway coz he's got lots of meds to take for the next week or so !
On a bright note: We finally had "okie" snow. It's gone now. YAY!!!!! Although our low tomorrow will be about 25~~ UGH!! Whine..whine..whine !!!!
I wanna open the pool!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
calm down tt, it'll be here soon it won't....yes it will, shut up and go get ready for the drudgery.....don't it anyway; it's popcorn day :)........hummmmm, can I have some caffine with that?......maybe........

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Sneezie Snow?!

Ok, so I'm driving to work this morning, sniffin' and sneezin' and listening to the news and the news guy says " Hey,Tulsa is Number the whole the worse place for allergies!!!!" Huh?!? I knew we were up there but, numero uno ?! It's not the distinction I was hoping for but we made the national news. Everything is in bloom and looks beautimus. Achoo!!! Bless me..:)

Of course, it's only fitting that's SNOWING !!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's sticking to everything!!
I figure tweb sent it here. I told her to keep it up her way, but I don't think she did. Duh!
So yesterday we covered the plants cuz it was going to be cold, now it's snowing...what's next?

On top of that, Lovee had to take Tabby to the vet tonight. Awww, poor baby. I've never heard him meow so was a howl actually. He kept it up, over and over after we finally got him into the dog's cage. He reeaallly didn't want to do that. He started head butting the cage door and everything. Ouch! He showed up last weekend with huge tufts of fur gone and cuts everywhere on his face, eye, ears. Lovee said he should probably take him to the vet....tabby was talking to him and telling him to do this Lovee said. He reminded me of that tonight when tabby showed back up after 3 days of being awol. His left jaw is swollen 2x bigger than the other!!!
Poor guy! More on that later.........

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


Wants to know if I'll share this with her.
Probably, but, he he he I don't know how. That's funny huh!
She called this morning after I sent an email to her and tweb. I knew when I heard the phone ring it was her. (She says she doesn't have an inside voice but she does.) She cracks me up!
I love her AWFUL!!!

American " stupid" Idol

I know how the whole American Idol thing works, but, REALLY.....come on now! That kid, still there and Gina went home? WTF over! I'll never get it. Ok, I'm over it already. ( dumb shits )

Lovee and I spent some time after dinner covering our Azelias...or however you spell it. Freeze warning tonight. I knew it would happen. That's just our luck. So, I covered flowers and Lovee did a wee bit of mowing. He's really,really pissed at the cats now though! We put Chicken wire down around the plants ( coz I read 'somewhere' that cats didn't like the stuff ) and you could tell the cats had tramped thru them anyway! The BB gun is sitting by the back door now I think. He's really tired tonight tho, so that may be why he was so agrivated.

I, on the other hand, didn't get agravated at work to day; well, not too much anyway. There is one gal who agravates me EVERY day, at least 4 or 5 times a day, but that's normal. She's a micro-manager type plus a total control freak! I blew her off today..I decided to try and ignore her for the most part and it worked......for the most

Ok, so Easter dinner will be here. That's a relief. Yea, right! I would love to have Taco's or Pizza or anything but the traditional fare....but NOOOOOOOOOOO, that would be breaking from tradition. Not only would this bother the parents but Sis is forever telling me, " Don't fuck with tradition!" Geez!! You'd think being a military brat would have made her a wee bit more flexible right? I mean, you can't move every 2 or 3 years and not be flexible right? Uh_Oh...lightblub moment here......maybe that's WHY she's not so flexible....she's been there-done that and now doesn't have to...Geez you're slow on the uptake sometimes tt. I know....sorry.
Anyway we'll have the ham, spuds (not sure what kind yet) veggies,rolls, maybe a pie or two or a cake..yadda,yadda,yadda,.......ok....
I'd just as soon have cereal! Yea, that's it! Honey Bunches of Oats w/ almonds...LOVE that stuff. I'd have it for dinner if I could. Lovee needs more than that tho. oh, well....

ZZZZZZ's are calling me again...go to bed tt, you can post somemore therapy tomorrow...
ok, sweet dreams.


We woke up to a windy 36 degress. Yesterday it was 82 ! Good o' Oklahoma! The sun is out though so that'll help.
So far my mood is better today. The girls at work will appreciate that, if it lasts. lol
We're supposed to get a freeze this weekend. Of course we will..Lovee and I planted flowers all weekend! I'm thinking if we cover them everything will be ok. Keep the fingers crossed.

I've discovered something about myself lately. I'm not sure if I've always known it but just never put it into words before or what, but, whenever I get overwhelmed ,whether it's from too many things to do and not enough time or just general feelings, instead of making a plan to get stuff accomplished I just think about it...ALL THE TIME ! No action just think. Geez...I gotta change that. But how to change it is the question. My grape is so squishie sometimes. My Sisterlittle got the good stuff for the grape. I honestly think I got the leftovers. lol Of course that's not true because I was born first.....then again, maybe her grape is better because Mom was 'happy' when she was, you're being silly now....I know....defense mechinism taking over..... go get ready for work! ok.......

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Terrible Tuesdays

I hate Tuesdays! They're usually so boring at work that the time crawls by. Today was no exception. I was unusually grumpy though. I stayed up way too late last night and didn't have time for my sleeping pills to wear off I think. I got me a large ice tea and drank it all up but all that did was make me go to the sandbox! Plus,I find I'm easily annoyed lately with the ppl I work with. Not everyone just a few; and not all the time either. It's usually when they pick on someone that I'm feeling sorry for...Don't ppl get it? I totally believe that what ever you put 'out there' will eventually come back at, if you're shitty to someone because of an ageing problem, then look out ppl...coz it's gonna come back and bite your sorry ass!!!!!
Lovee saw the look on my face tonight when I came home..the defeated, sad,frustrated look and completely understood and helped me come to terms with the whole mess. He's always had a way of making me feel better whenever I'm down. It helped.

I'm trying to remember if something good happened today...hummmmmmm
I started tanning. Yep, a whole 6 minutes today. lol Tomorrow will be the same I think. That wasn't fun really but it was a break from the usual routine. Plus it reminded me that summer is almost here. YEA!!!

Now, I've got to figure out what to fix for Easter dinner. Will it be here or down a my folks? Guess I'll call them and get some input. I'd rather do my cooking here, but I'll let them decide.
Dull,Dull day!
ZZZZZZZZZZ's are so calling me!

Monday, April 2, 2007

ok, here I go

Well, after much prodding and thought I've decided to tackle this blog thing. I think it may help me organize my thoughts or at least give me a place to unload my thoughts so as not to unload on Lovee or my sis or other people I love and adore. I'm hoping I'll find the time do do this and that it won't take time away from Lovee. He is my rock and my anchor and I've been madly in love with him for over 33 years now!
I'm anxious about that because in 18 days i will begin a totally new chapter in my life. I will quit my job to take care of my 82 year old parents. Geez, I just put it into writing. Kinda makes it feel permanent. I'm scared! There! I finally said it! Ok, now that that is out of the way maybe I can come to terms with it all so that by the time I do this my "happy face" will be genuine and not forced.
I love my parents. I'm a Daddy's girl for sure. My sis and I both are. Everything he does, my sis and usually respond with " awww he's so cute" or "awww poor Daddy". Whenever my Mom does something we usually respond with " guess what she said now" or "shit!, doesn't she get it?" Sounds bad to an outsider I'm sure. People who know my folks would probably understand.

Anyway, I usually get random ridiculous thoughts zipping through my grape while I'm in the 'paint and spackle' mode of my morning routine. It's a lengthy process so I usually have time to process stuff before I leave the comforts of home. Some stuff just keeps bouncing off my grape over and over like a broken record. Makes me question my sanity at times that's for sure.

So, here's something my Mom said to me Saturday as I was taking her to the grocery store. it came completely out of the blue.

mom- " I had alot of guilt when Freddie was killed thinking that I hadn't done enough for him, so when Mom got sick i went out to take care of her so I'd know I'd done everything I could for her and not feel guilty when she died."

me- " well that was a good thing , I'm glad it made you feel better"

Now, to an outsider, that statement sounds nondescript and ...just a regular statement. But to me, it triggered something else and I can't quite put my finger on it. My sis probably could figure it out.

It was sorta like when I was taking care of her on one of her hospital stays...she was all doped up on Morphine, feeling happy and cheerful ( something she's usually not) and started giggling and
said " this is just how I felt when your sister was born; all happy." Hummm, ok, I remember the story about how she had the "baby blues" after I was born and how it wasn't a particularly happy time for her. Sooooo, now my grape is she telling me I will feel better after she passes because I'm going to take care for them and I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I did all I
could? Kinda like I'll be making up for all the shit I put them through? It's just one random thought/ question the eating at my grape.
I hope I can find some funny and even silly things to put in here. Humor is what's gotten me to where I am today. Along with a big does of optimism and a wee bit of Pollyanna thrown in for good mesure . And let's not forget empathy. My favorite thing in the world. Not sure where I learned that. Not from the parental units. Possibly on my own. Don't know, don't care really.