Wednesday, April 30, 2008

braggin'-bitchin'-bellyaching and birthdays

Braggin' Lovee is awesome!!! Just had to ssy it outloud. he is my sounding board almost every elfing day when i get home from the parentals. He gets it...and i love him awful for it.

bitchin'....guess what I'm thinking about right now? parentals maybe?? the Mom specifically? Bingo!! I'm not going to go into it all again. Lovee took the brunt of it can thank him later.:)
I'm still amazed that I got to be this fucking old and didn't learn how to do a damn thing w/o asking my Mom how to first!!!!!!!!!! Nuf said.......I'm over it......till next time.

Bellyachin'.....actually that would be right now....more of the justs goes on and on...
whenever I get on my laptop,.....the Mom starts talking to's like having a 2 yr old bang on the bathroom door while you're taking a healthy shit ...saying..." are you through...whatchadoin...I'm thirsty.....what's on t.v?...etc....Aarrgghhhhhhhhhh!

Birthdays.....Lovee's is Friday!!! he's already got 2 of his presents. I got him an 8 foot trailer to haul his riding mower to the parentals...he does their lawn too beside ours and half of the neighborhoods...:)..He's commonly known as the "lawn Ranger"...**snicker**
ETK....our wonderfully,delightful gal send him a cordless Grasshog!..He's sooo excited about it. No cords to lug around. ( he hates the gas powered ones)
then on Friday..his actuall day, he's taking the day off to go to a car show...another love of his and our other wonderfully, delightful gal Sunshine is going to go with him and spend the day doing whatever he wants. He's loved biggly.

Gotta go's almost 5 and I have to cook dinner to the ' life is full. :)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy

I got this in an email...& almost blew snot bubbles ( Don't get a's really gross!) so naturally I had to share...some of this is good! I especially identify with # 21 :)

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13 . How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Monday, April 28, 2008


The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

That's one of the very few things i remember learning in math....eons ago. What I don't remember being told at the time was that...while that statement is true...there are midigating circumstances that while the distance is shorter, it won't necessairly save you time. Uh-huh...

If you encounter a school zone, a wreck or two, stop signs and road repairs...that straight line, which is only 4 miles, will take 20 or 30 minutes instead of 10. It's at that time, one wishes they'd taken the elfing Hi-way, which curves a bit, but would have only taken 15 minutes....... and One would not have been late!

Ugh!!! Grrrrrrr
All for a hair cut!
nuf' said.
I feel better now ;)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hodge-podge of pics..........

This is a pic of 3 Pete and Miss Sassy...2 of my grand youngins'.....This is a pic of one of my x daughter inlaws.....
.yea...ONE of them...I have 2 x's but I still love them and won't turn loose of them. That's just the way I roll ya know. :) My precious Grandson is on the other side of me ( I'm in red btw) 3 Pete as I call him is moving to the Houston area this summer to live w/ his Daddy....# 1 son.....yea for Dad......saddness for me :( (Lil Miss Sassy will be staying here.)

This is a pic of the front corner garden in our yard. My sisterlittle bought me the English garden gate b/c I love it and she loves me ;)......the pink Flamingo I got at a Flea Market b/c I LOVE Flamingos!!! The tree is a new addition. It's a Weeping Twisted Redbud. But we just call it T/R.....

My bulbs haven't opened yet but when they do I'll see my favorite flower. Purple Iris. Oo-la-la!


Aww........aren't they cute! My parentals last Sunday after church. It's sort of funny for me to look at this because I see that Dad is still taller than Mom. Funny because I used to be about an inch taller than my Mom. And my dad was about 6 inches taller than me. Not anymore. :) I look directly into my Dad's eyes now. Of course he's rather stooped over these days...if he straightens up he's still taller but not by much. I'm 5'3". :)

Not for the faint of Heart!!!!!

So...I thought I'd share a really gross picture of Dad's golf cart injury. I'm amazed that he didn't have a lot of pain!! Of course he's insulin dependent b/c of his diabetes which makes pain not so bad, but.........lordie! He said the worse part was the shots to deaden it. Go figure. Only 20 stitches.
It's beginning to heal now....I need to take another picture to show how it looks now. These were before the stitches.

I thought Alli, my sweet DIL may appreciate these.... :)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Conversation w/ the Dad...

Me: So, have you seen anymore Tigers Dad ?

Dad: Oh yea...( long pause) there's a leopard though.

Me: A leopard? How do you know it's a leopard?

Dad: 'cause of its spots.

Me: So, what does the leopard do?

Dad: It just runs along side the car with the tigers...they just play around.

Me: ( smiling) I think that's so cool.

Dad: ( perking up a bit) You do? Why?

Me: Well, how often do people get to see tigers and leopards running around? I think it would make the car trips more exciting anyway.

Dad: ( eyes wide open and smiling) Oh they do that alright. Geez.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


When did " no problem' take the place of "thank you"???????

It's stupid.
that's it.....

Monday, April 21, 2008

I love IRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Danica Patrick becomes 1st female IRL winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hooped and woo-hoo'd when I saw read about this this morning!!!!!!!!!!
That's my girl! Read about it if you're in the dark.....right here.

yes.....yes!!!!!!! -----SHE MAKES ME SEE YELLOW! :)

Must see movie

Lovee came home from the Wal~mart today with a treat for us. I have a list of movies that we want to see and this is the one he bought!!!! We hadn't even seen it yet and he buys it. What??!!
What if we don't like it I ask. That won't happen he says. He was so right!!
There is no way that anyone could not become happy while watching this!!!! I'll admit I'm a Alvin and the Chipmonks fan from waaayyyyyyyyyy back. I wish I still had my old 45 rpm record of it. iI do have the little mono record player that played about a blast from the past!

Anyway................please, even if you're thinking it's too corney or stoopid.......take a it. I think you'll be glad you did. But be warned. The laughter and smiles could get painful after a while. :)
I'll be hanging toaster waffles in my Christmas tree this year!!!!!!!!!!

Angels are everywhere...right?

Years and years ago my Mother-in-law told me a story about a homeless man who knocked at their door. She didn't have work for him to do and didn't have any money to give him but she told him to wait on the porch and she'd be right back. Moments later she reappeared with a big plate full of food. She told him this was all she had to offer him. The man was very grateful, thanked her over and over for her kindness and sat down on the steps to eat. My MIL asked me if I knew why she had done that. I told her I just assumed it was because she was just a kind soul and wanted to help people.( she took in a lot of welfare children while Lovee was growing up). She told me that 'Angels take many forms....and we must never judge anyone by their appearance or seemingly lack of education or money. You never know when one of those people you pass by and never give a second thought to might be an angel....sent to see how you're doing."

Well, let me tell ya...I've never forgotten that story. I think of it every time I see someone who appears down on their luck, homeless or whatever. It makes me pause...think and reflect. It also, hurts my feelings. Not knowing what put that person there, the circumstances and all, makes me want to reach out and help. But, I seldom do. That's a very shameful thing for me to admit. Oh, I've given a few dollars here and there but I've never stopped and talked to someone and asked what I could do for them. Why?....because I'm afraid they just might tell me; or think I'm some whack job who thinks they can save everybody. Yea, I know....crazy. Anyway, if I did ask and they tell me, I'd have to either take some action to accomplish whatever task I see before me or just tell them I'm sorry I can't help and walk away. I'm sure my thinking is way flawed here but that's just me. For now anyway. I'm often afraid or skittish of the unknown.

I see the same 2 homeless men all the time. One is up at the grocery store by my parentals. I've seen him in the store on occasion...buying yogurt or chips or something. I actually look for him whenever I pass that store. If I see him I'm relieved because I know that he's alive. Yea, not just ok, but alive. In the winter he's got on warm clothes...gloves,boots...he wears a stocking hat all year long. There appears to be a LOT of hair under that cap! The other guy hangs around the shopping center where the Mom gets her hair done. Every Friday I look for him. I see him in the summer more than winter. He too seems well clothed for the elements. This guy however, talks to me. Well, not really in conversation form but he will ask if I can spare a cigarette or a light. I often just give him my pack, to which he'll respond by asking if I'm quitting. I'll tell him no, " It's a share day" I'll say. He always thanks me and tells me I'm a very "kind lady". One day he told me about some stick incence he had that smells "real good". He puts it behind his ear. Lit and all. I'm often the first to greet him whenever I see him. I'll say " Hi there friend." He sometimes will look up at me and smile and walk on by. Other times he'll ask for a smoke...thank me and go about his business. Or he'll be sitting on a bench with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other; staring at the cherry on the cig and dabbing it with his finger. It doesn't seem to burn him which I find amazing.

Then the other day when Dad and I were at the Wal~mart a guy approached us and asked if I could spare a 'few coins'. I said " sure, but I've got to get this stuff in the trunk first". He followed us to the car and watched me unload into the trunk then said he'd put the cart away for me. I thinked him. He took the cart then came back. I reached into my billfold and only had a $5. So, I gave it to him and said "Will this do for now?" he said " Thank you very much, you're a 'kind lady'". Off he walked out to the street. My Dad was real confused and wondered what that was all about. I told him it was someone who needed a bit of help. Later Dad told Mom that I was giving money away to bums. It's ok. He's a new soul I think and doesn't really get the idea that we all need to reach out and help sometimes. I told him" Dad, angels take many forms, you never know where they'll be". He agreed....then asked if that was someone I knew. No, dad I was just someone who needed a bit of help. Oh, he said..."how come?"....
The looping started again and I eventually got the conversation changed.

My Sunshine girl saw someone during Christmas, standing on a corner with a sign advertising a nearby store. It was literally freezing out and she could see the guy was frozen to the bone with bare hands. She went into Sears and bought the guy some gloves. She took them to him and said something about how cold it was and she thought he could use them. He thanked her a lot and she went on her way. I was so proud of her for doing that. My heart was about to burst while she told me about it. She said something about Angels being all over and how you never know where they'll be next. I just smiled.

Friday, April 18, 2008

I found some answers...

Finally!! I found a web sight that's set up by a girl who escaped from a simular cult. There's a plethera of information here.
I think I understand all too well now. I've been going from being completely outraged to crying over this!! It's just so amazing to me that this type of thing actually goes on in this day and age.

I know, I know.....out comes Polyanna. I don't understand how I got to this age and still be so niave about the world as a whole. I admit I was a wee bit sheltered when I was young...even though I didn't think I was untill I joined Lovee in Ca. and we started out married life in the USMC. That was an eye opener for sure. Or so I thought. I've lived all over and had tons of different experiences and met so many different kinds of people. But...I don't know. I guess my grape just wouldn't let something so henious stay in there. Or, possibly i never had enough information to form an opinion. I don't know.

I'm just sick about this.
OK, I've got to add my 2 cents worth about all the hubbub going on with the Polygamy sect in Texas. I'm completely outraged on several levels. Yea, go figure. I'm so outraged that I probably won't be able to make any coherent sentences and my thoughts will ramble from idea to idea. Hope it won't be too painful to read. I'll try to make a point here and there. :) and if I'm misinformed please try to enlighten me.

Here's my main question and statement.
Supposedly this whole thing started when an anonymous call was made from a 16 year old girl saying she had been abused and was living in this sect. Has no one ever gotten that type of call before? How many 16 year old girls make 'prank' calls just to get back at someone? Do ALL of those calls get investigated before a 'raid' is put in motion? Why was this one different?

The news media keeps reporting about young teenage girls having babies there. is that news? Teenage girls get pregnant all the time. it doesn't matter what background they come,poor,abusive....pregnancy knows no boundaries. So why is this news??? Because the fathers may be older....grown men who are old enough to be 'their' fathers?...Again I say. Sooooooo.....this too happens in the 'regular'world. Why is this news worthy?

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have enough expletives to describe how much contempt Ihave for this sect. The way the women are treated is totally disgusting. The fact that these women tolerate it is disgusting. The fact that many women freely 'join' a group like this is disgusting. The fact that the boy children are 'put out' when they hit their mid teens if they aren't deemed 'keepable' is disgusting. The fact that women are looked at as breeders is disgusting.

the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach!
But.....what was it about an anonymous call that led to this whole debacle?

If an anonymous caller who says she's living in a regular household would call and make the same claim....would the kid or kids be taken from all females in that house when the cops arrived? I'm not so sure.

I'm not a conservative .....I'm usually a bleeding heart liberal.....but the older i get the more I get some 'Republican' thoughts. I'm not sure which way I'm leaning on this issue. I don't really care. To me, it's just a right or wrong issue. I think the whole sect is completely fuck up!!!!!!
I think the men in that sect are completely engulfed with some type of "God" image of themselves. I also don't think they value women in any way.

Ok...........that's my rambles for the day.
I need to go find some yellow now. That'll perk me up. right Dianne?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

just daily life going on...

This week has been one of my most relaxing week in a long time. It almost seems boring. Interesting huh?
The Dad's leg injury,from the golf cart,is only healing on one side. Hummm. The side where the tissues were trimmed away still looks raw. Yuck! We go back this Saturday to see if his 20 stitches! can be removed. More on that later I guess.

I was outside a few minutes ago having a smoke ( yea,yea...I it) and talking to ETK on the phone. She's so funny! She's got a post about being so competitive with Mr. Alli, aka. Pups. I so wish everyone could witness this in person. It's insanely funny! I'm just saying.......

I finally got the parentals to get me a POA. My B.I.L is having a time dealing w/ his aged Aunt w/o one. so, we finally got me one just in case. That's a relief. Now I've just got to get a bunch of copies made and distributed.

How boring can this be?
I'll just end the pain right now.
Post people!!!!! I'm needing some reading material!! Where's the PFC's????? huh?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Further info on the previous post...

The info from the post below came from 'medical experts'. They are researchers at the National Institutes of Health. THEY have found that having negative thoughts can can stimulate the areas of the brain involved in depression and anxiety. But....and this is an important but...our thoughts aren't always true....THEY say.

Alli, if I understood her right on the comment she posted below, thought the article was a negative one...maybe??? She was a bit unsure of who did the research for the study and is wondering if it's accurate. I don't know....all i know is that it stirred up the grape juice and gave me another relization. Which is....I'm not a negative person by nature. In fact, I used to be called a 'Polyanna'. yep, I know...some ppl won't even know what that means and others my be thinking ...huh? Tt's a polyanna? She wears rose colored glasses and looks on the bright side of life and is so niave. Um...yep, that's me. Even with all those rooms up inside the 'special' rooms....where I store all the uglies that life offers from time to time. Uh-huh...... ADD kicked in... sorry.
It's true, with me thoughts aren't always true. Self doubts creep in and take over sometimes. ... and as we all know, self-doubts are big ol' bullies that are a whole lot bigger and can sometimes pull the rug out from under our bright and shiney confidence.....IF....and there's a big IF.....if we allow it. I think we can sabotage ourselves. Depending on the circumstances. but that's not something I do very often. In fact, the reason I have so many 'rooms' in the ol grape is so I have someplace to store the shit that rolls through our lives. It's a way to do the old 'file 13' thing w/o actually having to completely forget it. Because, you never know when some of that shit may need to be revisited....just to reaffirm to yourself that you're in a better place now.

Lawdie......did that ramble or what? Did I get my point across???? who grape says it's late and I need some sleep.
Night all.....zzzzzz

Stolen thoughts...

I was flipping through my May issue of Ladies Home Journal yesterday and came accross an article that made me stop reading and think. The following excerpt will be paraphrased for length issues:
  • Don't believe everything you think: We have on average 60,000 thoughts a day. And of those thoughts 95% are the same thoughts we had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. The bad part is for the average person, the majority of those habitual thoughts are negative. Having negative thoughts can stimulate the areas of the brain involved in depression and anxiety. For adaptive reasons, we have an inborn tendency to register negative thoughts,feelings and experiences more deeply than positive ones. We're hardwired for negativity: Example-If you get 10 compliments and one criticism, what do you remember? Next time, be skeptical of negative thoughts and learn not to let false alarms hijack your happiness.

Makes ya think doesn't it. It does me anyway. I'm so guilty of this. I think it's possible that the stuff I remember my Mom telling me is 98% negative. Possibly 99%.

Guess that's why I have trouble doing what I'm doing ...on some days. Other days I can rise above it and toss it aside. You know...go into the dark room in the grape and open that worn out box that i keep negative thoughts in......

I'm going to put this one in a different box this time. I think I'll keep it in the first room...right by the's for things I need to do daily. Of course I trip over stuff alot b/c I'm still trying to get organized and the rooms are a bit messy up there too....perhaps I'll do something new with this thought. Maybe I'll put it on a posterboard....and tack it to the door. I should see it better there.

It'll be a good reminder..

Ohhhhh............I just had another thought. I'm going to put 'wall words' up...all over the grape.....I'll redecorate AND get organized at the same time.

Yea..........I'm a little bit left of center today. But it's working for me. ;)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

A most humble thank you!!

One of my favorite blogs is Forks off the Moment. Dianne is one of the most talented people in this blogworld I've come accross. She ALWAYS, and I don't use that word lightly, stirs an emotion from me. She just makes me think. Sometimes she makes me teary and sniffley...or laugh...ponder...or...whatever. One emotion or another ALWAYS comes out when I've read her. If I lived closer to her I'd probably do some serious stalking....Lovee would end up putting me in some 12 step program to recover from it I'm sure...;).... but....I don't know. She's sooo good with words, which is something I long for. She's an expressive, beautiful, hardworking, gracious,empatheticly loving soul.
Anyway, she has graciously given me an award. It's to the right on my sidebar. Gratitude with Attitude.

“Gratitude …. It is not about giving in, lying down or accepting everybody else’s rules it’s about making your own rules!... Gratitude IS Attitude!"

She said that I'm a good soul and empathetic. I'm blushing here. Empathy is one of my absolute favorite words. That she used it to describe me gave me duckbumps!
I humbly accept.

Thanks Dianne!! You rock!!


NOTHING!!!!! That's what I'm doing right now...besides blogging that is.........
Can you believe it? We did do our regular stuff; Denny's for breakfast,the Walmart afterwards for superfulous stuff and then home to cover the Azeleas...we're expecting a freeze in the morning. Lovee drove down there to take Dad's mower to get fixed. And then...home!!!
We just looked at ourselves and said..."Um...what are we going to do today?" Since we don't have anything important to do we decided to no absolutely nuttin'. Last weekend we planted trees...did a ton of yard work...all so it could rain and flood. Naturally. This weekend we're so sloshie that yard work is out of the question. So....we're doing nuttin! I'm not sure I remember how to do that exactly...but it's coming back to me rather quickly. :)
Last night, after we got home from dinner ( lovee took us out...:)) we were flippin' channels and guess what we landed on? A 'beauty' pagent!! I LOVE those! Always have. it was the Miss USA pagent, which isn't one of my favorites b/c I loathe Donald Trump but I watched anyway. I love the gowns, the makeup, the hair.....all of it. The question segments crack me up usually, but there's so much pressure...ha-ha...put on those gals ....with the most stupid questions on earth. Geez!!'s pure fluff but I need a bit of fluff every now and then.
Afterall...I'm fluffy....Lovee loves me fluffy too. ha ha....ummm, tt...that's a diffeent fluffy...I know, but it cracked me up!!
So, tonight, Lovee and I are making Pizza! When we were in greece for ETK's wedding, we had the absolute best pizza ever...seriously. There was this little, open-air cafe right next to our Hotel that we ate at as often as we could. Lovee and I talked to the lady who ran it and asked her what made her pizza so different from the one's we've always had. she told us that American pizza doesn't use the right ingredients for one thing and that since we were leaving to go back to the States , she'd tell us her secret..." It'sa, the gouda" she says. " I only usea Gouda cheese anda no reda saucea. Reda sausea is notah goud." We adored her. So I've got Gouda cheese and veggies and we're gonna 'makea da pizza'.
Plus, has anyone ever had Supai's???? I'm gonna make those too. We had a mexican restaurant in Tulsa when I was in H.S....waaaayyyyyyyyy back in the early 70's...ahem....anyway, they served the best dessert I've ever had....called a Supai. You roll out refrigerator biscuits, deep fry them real quick, drain on a paper towel then pour a mixture of powdered sugar,butter and milk( that's been heated in a pan) all over them. Yea, there's absolutely NO nutritional value and I'm sure it should be classified as 'artery glue' or 'once on the lips forever on the hips' but who elfing cares! OMG!!! It's sinfully delicious!!!!My Mom got them for me for my 17th Birthday. I remember thinking "wow....she DOES love me....hummm, who knew". sad but true

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm missin' ya'll

I've been too busy this week. I haven't been able to read my favorite blogs and get my doses of inspiration and empathy I have a sec here so I thought I'd just say I'm missing on you people.
Is that silly? to miss people I've never met? To feel a connection with people I've never met but feel I know? To miss ppl that i would hang out with IRL if i could??
Hope not.


Ok, we had the 'brain' appt. today and after reviewing the MRI the Dr. says the fluid buildup isn't significant enough to warrant surgery. Can i get a big ol YAY!!??!! The Dad was visibly relieved as were the Mom and I. He said to just stick with the meds he's on and that's it. For now. If his symptoms get worse then he'll review everything later. Okie-dokie.

Of course yesterday he had a wee accident at the golf course. I say wee with a snide smile. 20 stitches and 2 hours later we were home with an antibiotic and ointments and wraps. I tell ya, the fun never ends here. I thought it was interesting raising the urchins but this is waayyyy more exciting. :) It seems as though when Dad tried to get back into the gold cart he slipped, lost his balance and his left leg scraped the side of the cart. Sounds innocent enough but the Pro called me and said it was a pretty nasty cut and was fairly deep and that he "might need stitches".... Can he walk he he in a lot of pain..... I ask. He said he seems ok and wsn't in a lot of pain. So I pick him up and get him to the minor emergency place. I'll try and draw you a mental picture here....I took pics but I'm not sure if I'll post them....Lovee said they were too graphic....we'll see. anyway...he's on the table, the Dr. unwraps the 'masking tape'( yea...masking tape..the club didn't have anything else ;)) from the towel, which was completely blood soaked and pulled the towel back. Well, I guess my mouth overroad my brain because 'HOLYSHIT' came flying out! I'm not sure what I imagined but that wasn't it! it's a huge V shaped gash; the skin and surrounding tissues and all up...crinkled actually. Gross. No broken bones though and the muscle wan't involved. i got to watch him getting stitched up tho...that was cool!!!!
gotta go for now.....seems the Mom has hurt her eye....gotta take her to the doc now.
Let the gmes begin. Who'll win this time??? Contest you ask? It's always a contest of who'll get the most attention.
More later...I hope
We're drowning in rain here. Floods all over. I think I may quack by tomorrow...I do see some webbing growing between the toes....later.........

Friday, April 4, 2008

Update on the Dad...

Ok, it seems as though the Dad does have Hydrocephalus. But the Dr. won't know if a shunt is possible until he has an MRI. That'll be done today. If his brain has atrophied too much from the dementia then it'll be a no go. :( And that will be that. But......if he can do the surgery, then his walking will improve as will some of his brain function.

Yesterday while we were sitting in the exam room, Dad said " Are hillucinations when you see things that aren't there?" The Mom and I say yes...why? He said " Well, coz I do that".....
hummmmmmmmmm, like what we ask.

Well, on the way over here today I saw tigers.
Tigers? where?
On the side of the road.
What were they doing?
Oh, just running around playing
Did you see anything else?
yea, I saw debris
Yea, on the side of the road
Well, Dad, there IS debris...leftover from the ice storm.
No, it wasn't there
What do you mean it wasn't there? Maybe that was real?
No it wasn't

I told the Dr. about it and he said that's often an occurance in people who have Alzheimers.
I still don't know the difference in Dementia vs's a puzzle.

So, we wait... somemore. Dad is visibly worried about this one. He didn't seem as worried when he went through all the Prostate cancer stuff as he is now.
Of course several years have passed since that and as we know, his brain isn't the same anymore.
So, on we go.....

Thursday, April 3, 2008

small rant.......

One of the things I've done for most of my life is to try and interject some humor into bad situations. Sometimes I'll be talking all serious and stuff and because it's getting just a wee bit too heavy I'll say something funny, or what I think is funny and laugh about it. I will 9 times out of 10 say that I'm joking....but often the person I'm talking to doesn't respond the way I intended it to go. Then when I say..what's wrong?....I'll get a curt "nothing'.
I'm getting a complex. I'm seriously thinking of not talking to people anymore.

Good thing it's raining.....

As I was driving in this morning, I got behind a really slow driver just as I left the highway. For a second I was thinking..'what??? this jerk thinks this is a school zone or something?/!...then I noticed. I couldn't see a head above the headrest. Hummm....then I saw the driver sorta lean over as if he were trying to see the shops along the road. I went around him, slowly, and then I saw something that made for some heavy leakage from the eyeballs. It was a wee little old man trying to see ( I 'm guessing here) the addresses on the buildings. I immediately thought of my Dad before he quit driving. He couldn't see well either and would drive either too fast or too slow. Usually the later. He was all alone in the car and was talking to himself. I felt so bad for him. I was thinking about getting back behind him to...I don't make sure he made it to his destination, when I saw him turn into a driveway of a local store.
Broke my heart I tell ya. I went on, but the image of that will likely stay with me for quite a while.
Like I said good thing its raining today....when I got out of the car it hid my tears.

News flash...for me!

So yesterday, while Mom and I were having lunch she says" So tt, have you given any thought about what you'll do when one of us dies?" I told her I hadn't really..I just figured we go through an adjustment time and we'd probably get a little bit of a different routine...depending on which one was left etc. She told me I should think about it because if Daddy goes before her the she was going to move in with us. Holy shit!!! I almost spewed out my water! What?? So, in the time it takes to swallow, I composed myself so she wouldn't see the absolute terror that engulfed me and said " Oh, really..for some reason I thought you'd want to stay here, your own home. I mean, that's one of the reasone I'm here now, so you all won't have to be uprooted and get used to a new place and all". She informed me that she wouldn't want to be alone...I leave about 5:30 in the evenings.....and that she's familiar w/ my house so it wouldn't be too bad. She indicated that my Dad would want to do the same thing.
Well, ok. I'm not sure why I never thought that senario would come into play. I assumed they would just stay at their house.... silly me. That's what happens when you assume I guess.
i talked to ETK about it afterwards I felt better.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm totally fine with it and on some level I'm sure I knew it would change in time, but I just didn't think that far in advance.
Actually, it will probably make things easier on everyone's part. Save on gas for one thing. they live 20 miles from my house now. I'll be in MY environment. which will give me more control...which I'll like....I'll be able to swim during the week....Lovee will only have 1 yard to know, the important things. :)

Then, last night after Big Brother....there was a documentary on PBS about caring for elderly parents. I watched it, hoping for some helpful tips, and instead I got depressed. So many people out there have a much harder time than I do. My time will come I'm sure. But for now I'm in a good place and so are the parentals. In the film, one little lady lokeed up at her daughter, who is her caregiver and said in a voice barely above a whisper" Watch over me" the Dr.'s were trying to assess her torn skin....which happened because her skin is so thin and fragile. That moment brought tears to my eyes. The Mom was so vulnerable and completely relies on her daughter for all her help and comfort. That's us. So sad.
I love my folks..........I just, selfishly, wish this was easier....for them and me.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I did it..

I called her yesterday. When she finally recognized my voice she was all cheerie and happy to hear from me. So I said, "well, what's going on". She spent the next 20 minutes or so filling me in on how she had to put her beloved dog Casey down on Sunday. I adored Casey. She was a German Shepherd/collie mix and one of the most loving dogs ever. She rescued Casey from the shelter. Actually I think they were both rescued that day. So we talked about him and her other pets and their issues and I filled her in on the Dad's up coming Brain Surgeon appointment and we talked abut that. When I had to go she thanked me for calling and told me she loved me.

So, I think for now, I'm just going to go with the consensus and just accept it for what it is. Our relationship changed a few years ago when she felt I should have told her some stuff, concerning our girls, and I didn't. I still stand by the decision I made. My 'old soul' Sunshine girl daughter, reminded me of the fall out. Silly me, I remember my bff telling me how it effected her but I'd forgotten what it was all about. Well, now I remember....very well I might add. Well, I can't change what's gone on in the past. It's pointless to dwell on it. Either we go forward or we sit and get stagnant. Right ? I'm choosing to go forward. That's what I do.

So, I'm putting that issue in a silver box. Then I'll stow it in that deep dark room in my grape that's reserved for painful-stuff-that-I-can't-do-anything-about. I'll just quietly shut the door so the lid stays on tight. I don't want to disturb the contents anymore. I'll let them get comfortable and settled in to their new surroundings; because they'll be there for a long time.

It is what it is ....

( note to self....must remember this saying...look on your wall's up there.....keep focused on it.)

Thank you all for your thoughts. Everyone had good points for me to ponder...and I did. I'm thinking that this blog has turned out to be more than I ever thought it could be. Thanks again for caring.