Friday, July 23, 2010

7-23-2010 I am...needing to squish a wee bit. Nothing too big....just that dreaded, more like 5 year old feeling. I reallly hate it! Have I mentioned before how much I hate playing the age game with the parentals? yea, I thought so :(

The Dad's dementia is getting worse. Seriously worse. of all days ( shower day) he knew it was me who showered him. ugh! he usually thinks I'm a 'hired' gal who comes in....made me feel better knowing he thought that way actually...but afterwards...he asked if I resented giving "your old man a shower"....**snif-snif**... No Dad I don't..." well I'm sure glad b/c I don't know what I'd do w/o you"...** bigger sniffers**. ugh.......
I know I should shower him more often than I do, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm awful. Period. No rebuttals.

Mom is showing signs of Dementia too. :(....that'll be fun.

Wanna know what happens when I run out of my happy pills? It's sooo not pretty. I did it once before when Dad was in the hospital. Ugly time. I did it again just last week. OMG...I didn't know I'd forgotten them...I just missed that bottle when I was filling our pill cases... ( yep..we take so many that I fill the cases up weekely so I WON"T forget one.)and went abt 3 days w/o them. Then the 'gazzzittts' started in my brain. That's the only way I can describe feels like the way electrical 'arcs' go. Does that make sense?? Weird I know...but when the gazittts hit, it stops me in my tracks and I can't think or anything for a few seconds... totally weird. Then the headaches start and the tireds set in and all I can think of is jumping off a cliff. Seriously...ugh! But it's not untill then that I realize what's going on. Takes abt 2 days to get back on track.

Lovee and I had a new patio poured. It's ginormous!! bought some chaise loungers love seat and chairs...huge umbrella...and put a dining table on L.O.V.E .IT. !!!!!

Lovee and I also had our yearly vacation. Went to Texas to see #2 son, Pups and his lovely's new casa. WOW.....can you say mini-mansion. Had a great time there. Then went further south to see Farmer's Wife!!!!!!! and her clan AND DEZ....glasshalfempty gal....and her hubs. We had the mst fabulous time there. Got to ride on a go-cart w/ farmer Jr. and see lots of corn! Visited with the wee g-pig....saw lil gal in all her glory...:)...even saw the 'queen of Sheba tub' -I want one!!!! Dez is wayyyy sweet...and showed us around and took us to the beach. Loved it all. Too short a visit tho..:(
Then off to San Antinio to see some friends and go to the riverwalk....great time in all.
Sisterlittle survived. Mainly b/c we opened the pool before we left and she was in it everyday!
Good for her I say.

I'm in the pool everyday too. it's keeping me sane.....mostly.
I'll post some pics later.

hugs and loves to all.

Thursday, March 25, 2010 it is...March 25 1977. :) it's march 25, 2010. It's babyboy's birthday so I've been going back and forth in time today. Did I ever dream that on his 33rd birthday I'd be living in Okla-f-ing-homa and taking care of the rents in MY home?? hell no!! haha
Life***** it's what happens when you're not looking.

Since being on my meds, I don't feel the need to rant and rave about all the goings on in my life. Interesting. I mainly just get on Facebook these days for a quick-down-and-dirty look at my friends and see what's going on. Quick being the operative word. Time is a precious commodity to me.
The rents are still kicking if you're curious. Dad gets wonkier by the day and the Mom...well, she still manages to piss me off at least once a week. Which is better than it used to be. I think she's now afraid to piss me off because if I can't care for's the dreaded Nursing Home!!
Couldn't do that to the Dad...he's too precious.

That's it. that's all I got.
Maybe something exciting will happen in my life that I'll be able to share. But...doubtful

Hugs and aqueezers to any who read this!!!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

here squishie squishie...

need to squish a bit.
Probably random incoherent thoughts will surface. That's OK. It's my blog and I'll be incoherent and indecisive if I want.

So, it's been 4 freaking months since the rents moved in with Lovee and I. 4 frustrating,glorious,maddening,tiring,blessed months. So many emotions. It's hard to count them all.
What happens to older ppl( the parentals ) who just give up or can't do anything ? They sit in front of the fireplace, snuggies ( of course ) on, drifting in and out of sleep like a bump on a pickle....for hours at a time. When they do wake or stir it's to call me...the beck and call girl do whatever it is they need. Take Dad to the bathroom ( and all that involves )...get them some coffee...dress the Dad...put on the Mom's shock and shoes ...fasten her bra....fix her hair...give Dad a shower...dole out the list goes on and on. There is no end.

My life.
That's just the way it is.
I'm doing Gods work. I see that.
But at the same time....I actually feel as if my life may stay this way. I can't dream my way into Lovee's and my future anymore. I'm stuck in the here and now. Never was that way before. I miss it.
I miss lots of stuff.
I want to rebel........I want to throw myself on the ground and throw a huge hissy fit...I want to go...anywhere...w/o telling anyone where I'm going or when I'll be back.'s freedom I'm missing I think.

An 'Aha' moment just flashed me. Any flash is better than no flash I guess.
I miss me. I miss the way things were. I hate pity parties - whatever.

Dad's Dementia is getting worse by the day. I thought he looped it happens every 2 minutes or so. He has absolutely no idea how to shower...brush his teeth...what order to put clothes on or off...what to eat....nothing...unless I tell him. Sad. So, so sad.
The Mom is.........well, I think she may be developing Alzheimer's. That's my gut talking..
I think Dementia is a nicer dimension the the Alz. Alz can be very mean. In my case anyway.

Maybe it's just how their personalities were before. Dad the jovial happy guy...Mom the dour, pessimistic nagger.

I miss having friends to go places with. Most of my friends were from work. Those kind of friends fade when you no longer work together. Some friends only call when they want something....I don't like that, but I talk to them to lessen my loneliness...then hang up and swear to myself that I won't do it again....but I do. :(
Lovee is still my hero. I'd be 6 feet under right now if he weren't with me. Seriously.
I'm doing something my mind really can't get a grip on....i know it's the right thing to do...but I miss life.

gotta go fold the laundry and take the rents for a walk's nice today.