Ok...I've made a decision..tadah! I'm gonna start medicating before Lovee and I go to the parentals on Sunday nights. By medicating, I mean pouring me a nice little glass of some sort of adult beverage. Yea...that's the ticket....maybe some wine....or a crown and 7, which I view as necture of the Gods!!...or if it's been a perticularly heavy-minded day, a bit of Scotch! How's that sound? sounds good to me. :) Cheers bitches!!! ( I said that with a lot of affection ya know!)
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My Mom needs a LOT of attention! I don't think she cares HOW this is accomplished either. I have learned that when she was little, her Dad would drive to the local tavern and tell her to stay in the car. She was so terrified of getting out of the car that if she had to 'go'...she'd wet herself. Sometimes she'd be there for hours on end. That's sad. I'm getting the idea he was a real bastard to everyone. Especially my G-ma. They eventually divorced and my G-ma married the most wonderful man ever! My Pop. I didn't find out untill I was in my late teens that he wasn't my 'real' G-pa. By that time it didn't matter. He's was my Pop and I loved him. So much that Lovee and I named our first born son after him. He's been gone for a long time as has my G-ma.
So, I've been asking more questions...to see if I can understand my Mom better. My hope is that I will be able to understand her more so that she doesn't drive me NUCKING FUTS everyday. :)
I know...good luck with that right?
Anywho...my ADD kicked in a bit ..sorry.
My Mom bore the brunt of caring for her family when she was still little herself. Of course this was waayyyy back in the 20's and 30's....back when times were hard enough w/o having an abusive drunk for a Dad.
She's riddled with OCD. Which I think comes from needing complete order in her life. Finding this out helps me realize it wasn't 'me' who could never do anything right when I was little...it was actually 'her'. Unless everything was done 'her' way...exactly...it was wrong. Period. This little bit if info actually makes a couple things easier in my mind. 'Her' problems, which she didn't know she had, ran over into my world. Sisterlittle and I would jump through hoops when we were little trying to get our rooms to pass inspection. We couldn't do anything untill the Mom was satisfied that everything had been done to her specifications. I'm talking wiping the light fixtures on the ceiling; the door frames..baseboards...towels folded and hung just so on the racks........vacuuming and dusting....every weekend. Period. No exceptions. Of course if we were sick she would do it for us. No weekend could be missed. Hummm, doesn't sound so awful when I reread it but when you're a kid...it just never gets done correctly. Period. Anyway. She still feels the need to tell me how to clean her house which drives me crazy. She tells me how to cook. Of course when we were little we didn't have to cook b/c " it's just easier if I do it myself" she'd say. Once in a while we would cook and maybe do dishes...( we couldn't do the dishes right either....darn the bad luck there!) but it was for punishment purposes only..
I say all this b/c I think her OCD ,which developed when she was little( I think) is why she does all the stupid shit right now. Make sense? I think that, she thinks, if she doesn't have full control of any given situation she'll disolve into a puddle of ooze. [ I know...I'd like to see that too sometimes ;)]
As usual I'm having a hard time putting thoughts into words....but, I'm making some progress I think.
Baby steps....
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I've got some pics to post....Lovee's opening presents and using them....putting fence post in at Sunshines house....Lovee being the 'lawn Ranger'....just silly stuff. But first, I've got to get them uploaded..... duh...I know you're anxious....don't give me any shit....
That's it...
Gotta go make the parentals some dinner. With the Mom's help of course...I mean, afterall, I'm only 53 going on 12...........I still need some learnin'.
11 comments:
She will get you whipped into shape one of these days. :)
A glass (or two) of red wine usually mellows me out nicely. ;-)
I hate hearing stories like your mom's about having to wait in the car all that time outside the tavern. Things like that drive me crazy. He should be kicked in the man parts for that. haha
Wow, that does maybe help put it into context, no? maybe helps understnad why she is she now huh?
I like the idea of adult beverages. maybe you need a flask? :)
Or maybe...SOME HELP! THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Whiskey, str8 up.
13: I know right!..or she'll probably die trying...I am a wee bit hardheaded ya know.:)
jay: Wine sounds yummy!! Her bio Dad was a complete ass. He died alone and drunk but she and her sis got about $3000 from it..what a shithead for sure!
etk: no flask..I prefer a glass :) and you're funny..I have help silly girl...Lovee helps me all the time. It's just my mind that gets bogged down...
diane: I'm liking that idea! I'll just throw a shot back and be good as new.. :)
My mom's the same way. She'd rather be washing the dishes than eating with the family...you know..so they're clean. Drives me NUTS!
Makes me wonder about how she grew up.
I think the "medicating" is a fantastic idea. And I love the varying degrees of it too.
As for your momz, it's amazing the things they've gone through and how hearing about it now, sort of helps us "get it". I wish my mom didn't "bend" the truth too much... I think she tells me what she thinks I want to hear, which is why I'll never have a good account of what her life was like when she was little.
rll: I know...she's being quite candid lately...so I'm still asking questions...but that generation is still NUTS!!
Cheekymonkey: Mom never bends the truth..she usually slaps us with it. 'Blunt' should be her middle name. But the talking is working for me tho...for now anyway. :)
Thanks for the compliment on my very first HNT. ;)
You are very kind to take the time to want to see inside of your mother. I cut my own mother out of my life five years ago after forgiving her and being hurt numerous times. Actually, in that picture of me, I see her a little bit. She was a single mom and very sad. Something in my face reminds me of her and I really never thought I looked anything like her. I favor my father.
The part about her waiting in the car and wetting herself is a tragic memory. That poor little girl. :( I read somewhere that it doesn't take much of a man to strike fear into a child and get them to behave. It's true.
ff: My pleasure. I'm always in awe of people who can really 'put themselves' out there for all to see. Physically or mentally. I'm learning to to it through this blog but unless I get knee-walking-comode-hugging druck...the bloggy world won't see me on any HNT. :) Plus, I don't think Lovee would be too comfortable sharing me that way...:)
It is hard finding out things about my Mom...we've had a strained relationship forever....I'm finding out now some of they why's which explain a lot of things...it doewn't make what I do any easier really...just explains why she's the way she is...
Which....btw...drives me NUTS!!!
Happy Mothers Day!
Happy Mother's Day - I may medicate a bit myself this weekend!!
I hope it helps to understand more of where she's coming from. My brothers and I all have more than a few issues from being raised by wolves. I battle them all the time to try and not make my son crazy. Meanwhile he gets all OCD a lot over his Dad issues.
And on we go ...
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