MIA...Me???

Thought I'd pop on here for a few minutes and give ya'll a bit of an update. As if you've been wondering.....
Not sure if anyone noticed...probably not...but I've had a wee bit of a struggle going on for a while now. My poor saintly Lovee took the brunt of my struggles....as any adoring and lovable hubs would do.. ;) I've often said that "Lovee saved me"....as I start a story or end one. He did it again. Literally I think.
This caregiver gig I have is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever taken on in my entire life. When I started it, I was so naive in my thinking I wondered what all the hub-bub was about. How could it be so challenging to take care of parents I wondered. Sure, they're old and set in their ways; sure, we had challenging times while I was growing up; sure, there would be good days and not so good days.....
Well, I've done this now for almost 2 years. Fact, it'll be 2 years the first of May. And... now it's happened.
I crashed and burned.
I got to the point where all I did was cry. I thought my wallpaper challenge would help keep me focused on something else other than my complete dread of being at the parentals house. It helped a bit...but when my neck went south, so did my mood. Again. It got to the point that when I got home and Lovee would ask about my day ( as he always does ) all I could do was cry.
Lovee was a rock. The best rock I've ever found. Which is sort of funny because I literally collect rocks where ever we go. Hummm...interesting......
I really didn't know what was going on. I just didn't understand it. I just wanted to sit and veg on the couch or sleep...and then sleep didn't help either. Lovee said he thought I may need some medication to help me through this and possibly talking to a counselor might help. I mulled it over for a day or so....decided to wave my white flag and give it a go. What do I tell the Dr. I asked? What do I say? I can't even talk to Lovee w/o crying....what do I do??????

Lovee called our Dr. and made an appointment for me. He went with me. What happened? I cried. Huge racking sobs. And poor Lovee...I looked at him once and saw his own tears..that made me feel worse and at the same time...so completely and unconditionally loved.
I left there with samples of a depression meds...enough to last 6 weeks...to see if it will work for me before we spend $$ for the meds. Also the name and phone number of a counselor to talk with. The Dr. said the change wouldn't happen over night...it may take a while but to hang in there and give them a go.
It didn't take but a few days before I felt a change. I remember coming home one evening and realized I had a big huge smile on my face when I saw Lovee. The smile stayed.
It's been almost 2 weeks now. I continue to feel differently....more in control....less stressed...
One reason is turning my thought process around too. I realized one day that some how I'd given my 'power' away. I gave it up to my parentals. Why? Not sure...easier I guess...but it hurt me. I've taken it back now.
Have they suffered from it? Not at all! Do they notice? I doubt it. They're blind.
I have noticed that I seem 'compressed'....or perhaps I mean 'repressed'. Both at times. I don't seem to have big joys like I used to...but then again the 'big sorrows' are gone too. I'm sure it'll take time for my body to adjust.
I can wait.

Lovee surprised me again...he decided we needed some time away. Just the 2 of us. This weekend we're going to Branson. It's not far...but we'll have a great time relaxing and doing what ever we want. My beck and call girl duties will be lovingly taken care of by my sunshine gal!!! Lovee arranged that too.

I've always known I'm blessed. But these days, it's in the front of my mind instead of getting pushed to the back recesses of my squishie grape.

Anywho....I haven't read anyone in a while. Still concentrating on .....dare I say it?.....me. I think about all of you...all the time. Is that silly? I find myself wondering what's going on....but I just don't check.... Is that selfish? Probably not....
I heart all of you I read. Seriously.

Fact....I've decided if anyone wants to contact me via email....not rely on the blog...it's fine by me.

So, I'm putting my email out there for all to see.

terrilady@cccexpress.com

Guess that gave away my name didn't it ;)
It's ok. I'm not afraid.
I've been saved ;)