Monday, March 24, 2008

Never ending story.....

The Dad has a new thing to say to me. If I'm there with them it's " You need to tell me what to do" or " I have a delimma...what should I do". If I'm not there and he wants to know something he'll call me and say" I need you to tell me what to do" or " Where were you when I needed you to tell me what to do". Really....It disturbs me in a way. Because it makes me think that he's getting to the point where he can't or isn't comfortable in making decisions. Does anyone understand how sad this makes me? Not just those instances either....He questions everything that goes on...well almost. Enough to make me tired...really tired in about ....oh.....2 hours. That's it. Two hours after I get there I'm mentally pooped. The rest of my 6 or 7 hours I sometimes spend trying to avoid him. I've talked about this before I think.....but it really hurts my feeling when I do that. Yea, I hurt my own feelings.. What's up with that??
He's still in the 'let's clean out the garage' mode. OMG....he keeps finding stuff that's broken, wanting to get it fixed; wondering where it came from in the first place; willing to pay, ohh...3 0r 4 bucks to get it fixed....endless stuff....he found 5 phones...f.i.v.e....and wanted to know what I was going to do with them. Huhhhh......"nothing found them" " no I didn't, you said you were going to do something with them" " I'll throw them in the trash for you because they don't work but that's all I would do with them" " Well, ok go ahead"...!! 2 days before we had that conversation he brought the phones into me and said" who's phones are these...we didn't have a phone like this".." yes you was in the kitchen the others were......etc." He swore they weren't his!
If that were the end of the conversation it wouldn't be so bad. But it keeps going...
it's never ending.
I hope the visit w the Brain Surgeon helps.


meno said...

I think i can understand how sad this makes you.

My dad is becoming more and more vague. It makes me sad too.

tt said...

meno: What do we tell ourselves to make it bearable?,,,,and to where I won' eat myself into an early grave?? that's the question..

Jen said...

Oh, tt. . . how tough this is on so many different levels. I'm sorry this is happening. I am scared of these future things occurring to my parents.

It's good of you to be there for him even though it's frustrating and endless.

tt said...

Jen: yep, it's tough but there are days when I handle it better than others. Ysterday and Sunday ...not one of my better days..but after I've had some rest and finally put it all in perspective I get better. I should have just got some cheese and crackers for that big ol' 'whine'.. :) I hate pity parties..

ETK said...

Aww tt! I'm sorry - I know it's hard for you. I know that I can't even begin to understand how hard this is for you but I wish I could. After reading all I did about hydroencephalitus, I think that the surgery will help. I certainly hope that it will - I know it's a scary surgery, but just think how wonderful it will be if the "looping" stops.
You know - you can call me anytime. Any time. I might just have to hook you up with a video camera so we can video chat too!!!!

CheekyMonkey said...

My guess is (because I know you want to hear what my guess is) that he is perfectly capable and comfortable making his own decisions, but ever since you've been there, you've made things easier on them both. Easier in the sense that, he asks you a question, you give him an answer. It sounds to me like your dad is the guy to ponder things for a bit before making a decision. For you, it's instant. Throw it away. Ok. Done. Move on. That's really comforting in a world where things aren't getting any easier for them.

So to sum it up, you've spoiled him. I'm sure it has a bit to do with the uncertainty of what's going on with his health, but you're there, you're the rock, you've "got" things for them. That's so comforting. Hell, that makes ME comfortable and I'm not even there!

CheekyMonkey said...

**Simple disclaimer ** I know there are health issues going on and I'm certainly not writing them off as having no effect on his behavior... but remember, even if you ARE pooped after 2hrs... to them you're still that rock. Shit, cuz you're TT...that's what you do and you do it well. :)

tt said...

ETK: A video camera??? Ummm no thank you sweetie..this(laptop) is more than i could have ever expected. I know you're there for me 24/7/365!! thanks!!

Monkey: Ding..ding..ding!!! i think that hits the nail on the head. See, that's why I need everyone out there to give me some input. I'm just too close to the situation to have any perspective. he is or was one to put a lot of thought into something...he was an engineer afterall....they think things to death sometimes.:)
I guess when you put medical issues with a propensity to mull things over and over and then throw in some dementia...geesh...that'll make for a tiring day.
I'm over my pity party now...wanna know why??
It is what it is!!!

Thanks for indulgeing me everyone!!xo

Raven said...

hi... what you are dealing with is so difficult. I've been there in a different form, but the emotions are probably much the same. My mother was ill for almost 18 years. There were times she didn't know who I was... and towards the end, those seemed like the good times. Mercifully I didn't have responsibility except as visiting support for my father.

I don't think anyone who hasn't been there can understand the level of patience require and the battle between love and frustration. I think we naturally (who wouldn't?) get angry and then we feel guilty because these are our parents and they are old and ill. But the truth is even though that's true, you are human and dealing with something that's difficult and painful and maddening. Be kind to yourself. Loving your parents doesn't mean your never allowed to have a cross thought.

Anyway, you have my sympathy and my empathy. I hope your father's surgery goes well and that you all have many good and happy years in the future.